Subject: Characteristics

If it weren't for marriage, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.

When it comes to giving—some people stop at nothing.

There are only two ways of telling the complete truth – anonymously and posthumously.

(1930 – ) economist, social commentator & author

Under pressure, people admit to murder, setting fire to the village church or robbing a bank, but never to being bores.

(1883 – 1963) American writer & hostess

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times.

(1896 – 1969) American congressman & senator (Illinois)

Fine words! … I wonder where you stole them.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist

Woman is the most powerful magnet in the universe, and all men are cheap metal… and they all know where 'North' is.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist

I am the common denominator to all my bad relationships.

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian

An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor

Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.

Though familiarity may not breed contempt, it takes off the edge of admiration.

(1778 – 1830) English writer, essayist, critic, grammarian & philosopher

Most of the time I don’t have much fun; the rest of the time I don’t have any fun at all.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Sucker: Is this a game of chance?

Fields: Not the way I play it, no.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

He is a self-made man and worships his creator.

(1811 – 1889) British statesman

A bare assertion is not necessarily the naked truth.

(1802 – 1870) American writer & editor

One day of practice is like one day of clean living; it doesn’t do you any good.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach

Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

I wear my heart on my sleeve… I wear my liver on my pant leg.


He used to be fairly indecisive, but now he's not so certain.

British professional golfer & commentator