Subject: Education

Can’t anything be done about calling these guys student athletes? … That’s like referring to Attila the Hun’s cavalry as “weekend warriors.”

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist

When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.

(1956 – ) American comedian

It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.

(1930 – 2013) American baseball manager

I hated Geography… because it’s just like History… except without people and dates.

(1956 – ) American entertainer & comedian

He who devotes sixteen hours a day to hard study may become at sixty as wise as he thought himself at twenty.

(1880 – ?) American author

We’re going to have the best-educated American people in the world.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer

The total attention paid to an instructor is a constant regardless of the size of the class.

I went to medical school here at Columbia; I got my M.D.; and was practicing out in Colorado, where I decided to quit and do stand-up – and not just because of the lawsuits.

(1971 – ) American comedian, actor, television host & former physician

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.

(1922 – 2007) American novelist

Learn to be sincere, even if you have to fake it.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author

Education with socialists: it’s like sex, all right so long as you don’t have to pay for it

English author, actor, humorist & playwright

Never let your studies interfere with your education.

Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public; they can learn in private; in public they have to know.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Education: A technique employed to open minds so that they may go from cocksure ignorance to thoughtful uncertainty.

They put me in Special Ed because they thought I was slow, but I stayed in Special Ed for the ladies.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker

College: A fountain of knowledge where students gather to drink.

Every child has a right to go to high school and end up with a third grade education.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign

The one course you must take to graduate will not be offered during your last semester.

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison.

(1903 – 1966) English writer

The best classroom of all times was about two car lengths behind Juan Manuel Fangio.

(1929 – ) English race car driver