Subject: Government

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward.

(1883 – 1946) English economist

Nobody ever said that capitalism guarantees profit.

(1947 – ) American economist

The Cavalry doesn’t always come to the rescue.

The ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist

The news of any politician’s death should be listed under ”Public Improvements.”

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor

Never worry about the bullet with your name on it; instead, worry about shrapnel addressed to 'occupant.’

I won’t eat anything that has intelligent life, but I’d gladly eat a network executive or a politician.

(1934 – 1982) English writer, comedian & actor

I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

The difference between a whore and a congressman is that a congressman makes more money.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist

A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that’s lost – he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Government Tears Up Red Tape

Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund.

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Queen: A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled when there is not.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator

Judge: A law student who grades his own papers.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

To deceive a diplomat speak the truth, he has no experience with it.

In Scotland we have a verdict ‘not proven;’ that means ‘not guilty, but don’t do it again.’

If you are short of everything except enemy, you are in combat.

The weight of all of your equipment is proportional to the cube of the time you have been carrying it.

A triumph for democracy; it proves that a millionaire has just as good a chance as anybody else.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor