Subject: Life

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

My grandfather always said that living is like licking honey off a thorn.

(1898 – 1951) Slovene-American author & translator

People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

(1928 – ) humorist, singer, songwriter & satirist

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

To live is to dance… to dance is to live.

cartoon character in, Peanuts, by Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000)

I like life… it's something to do.

comedian

I owe it all to little chocolate donuts.

(1949 – 1982) American comedian, actor & musician

I don’t live in the fast lane – I live on the off ramp.

(1925 – 1990) Canadian hockey player, coach & general manager

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade… then find someone who’s life has given them vodka, and have a party.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian

Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of what I do, he spent his whole life in the kebab business, was buried with all his equipment, probably turning in his grave.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

A solved problem creates two new problems, and the best prescription for happy living is not to solve any more problems than you have to.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

(1925 – 2005) television host

The only thing wrong with immortality is that it tends to go on forever.

(1916 – 1997) newspaper journalist

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? … in that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts.

(1943 – 1971) rock singer

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Never do anything you wouldn’t get caught dead doing.

Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker

There are three things in life that people like to stare at: a flowing stream, a crackling fire and a Zamboni clearing the ice.

cartoon character, Peanuts, Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000) cartoonist

Marriage, in life, is like a duel in the midst of a battle.

(1828 – 1885) French novelist, publicist & journalist