Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Miscellaneous
Railroad time
Country definition
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
The correct time
Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you’re not supposed to drink and drive?
Gallagher
(1946 – ) American comedian
Miscellaneous
There were so many people in that place, you couldn't stir 'em with a stick.
Expression
Miscellaneous
Crowded
Other expressions
In your life, you’ve got to eat a peck of dirt.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Everyone gets humbled
Other expressions
Not enough brains to give himself a headache!
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage; I take that as a compliment.
Anonymous
Miscellaneous
You’re barking up the wrong tree.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Accusing the wrong person
Have your facts wrong
Other expressions
There was probably an old Viking saying that said, “Ax in the head, early to bed; ax in the helmet, a friend of Helmut.”
Miscellaneous
Got a face like a mile of unpaved road.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
You couldn't hit sand if you fell off a camel.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Of a poor shot
Other expressions
Poor aim
If your kid makes one of those little homemade guitars out of a cigar box and rubber bands, don’t let him just play it once or twice and then throw it away. Make him practice on it, every day, for about three hours a day. Later, he’ll thank you.
Miscellaneous
They live just a hoot and a holler down the road.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Referring to someplace close by
It's coming up a cloud.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
It looks like it’s going to rain
Other expressions
When you’re riding in a time machine way far into the future, don’t stick your elbow out the window, or it’ll turn into a fossil.
Miscellaneous
Like a dose of salts through a widow woman.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Anything that happened quickly
Other expressions
I’d like to see a guy tap-dancing so fast his legs actually broke, because it would finally establish a “tap barrier,” and we could move on from there.
Miscellaneous
How many people have never raised their hand before?
Steve Martin
(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Miscellaneous
Not blessed with beauty…
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven; It might be a trick, but if it’s not, mmmm, boy.
Miscellaneous
Fixments
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Household furnishings
Other expressions
Uglier than the southbound end of a northbound donkey.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
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