Subject: Places

Never, ever, fly on the airline of the country from which you are departing.

Fortissimo at last!

(1860 – 1911) Austrian composer

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist

We'll explain the appeal of curling to you if you explain the appeal of the National Rifle Association to us.

(1945 – ) Canadian radio personality

Police: Bank Robber Had Shopping Addiction

It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to paint it.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain.

(1880 – 1916) Irish economist, barrister, writer, soldier & politician

Night Club: A place where they take the rest out of restaurant and put the din in dinner.

I went to San Francisco; I found someone's heart.


What this world needs is a damned good plague.

Bay: A body of water surrounded by restaurants.

A small town is a place where there’s no place to go where you shouldn’t.

(1928 - ) American pianist, writer, composer & music producer

My goal in life is to open up a nail salon in Vietnam, where all my workers speak nothing but English.

American-Mexican stand-up comedian & actress

If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago it’s a sport.

(1932 – 2017) comedian, social activist, critic & writer

A Canadian is someone who knows how to make love in a canoe.

(1920 – 2004) Canadian author, television personality & journalist

The more underdeveloped the country, the more overdeveloped the women.

I lived in a house that ran on static electricity… if you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head; if you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director

Even the police have an unlisted number.

(1908 – 1996) actor & comedian

The world is divided into people who do things – and people who get the credit.

(1873 – 1931) businessman, politician & diplomat