Subject: Sports

Baseball is the only game left for people. To play basketball, you have to be 7 feet 6 inches. To play football, you have to be the same width.

(1914 – 1986) American baseball team owner & promoter

Singles hitters drive Fords, home run hitters drive Cadillacs.

(1922 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer

Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor

Cale Yarborough would have to call a service station to get a tire changed, but he's as good as anyone who ever drove a race car.

American auto racer

He has everything a boxer needs except speed, stamina, a punch, and ability to take punishment. In other words, he owns a pair of shorts.

(1919 – ) American sportswriter

I’ve never been swimming, and that’s because it’s never been more than half an hour since I last ate.

(1967 – ) American comedian, actor, radio personality & author

Reporter: Who do you think is the number one player of all time?

Logan: I’d have to go with the immoral Babe Ruth.

professional baseball player

It's strange… two guys in shorts competing for a belt; they should, at least, award them slacks or a shirt.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor

Mike Tyson dropped me and when I looked up, the count was on five. I said to myself, ‘Damn, whatever happened to one to four.’

American boxer

As a person gets older he doesn't get faster. Our quarterback will run from fright or lack of protection.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach

Alain Prost is in a commanding second position.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator

Never has my flabber been so completely gasted

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

Peter McNeeley dived in with overarm shots like a child hurriedly learning the doggie paddle in the deep end.

(1944 – ) British sportswriter

Golf: An ineffectual attempt to direct an uncontrollable sphere into an inaccessible hole with instruments ill-adapted to the purpose.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

Because there are no fours.

professional basketball player

The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.

(1925 – 2005) television host

We've got to learn to stay out of triple plays.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

His potatoes kept getting cut eyes.

English boxing journalist & commentator

Next up is Fernando Gonzales, who is not playing tonight.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer

Intensity is a lot of guys that run fast.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach

Billy Wells was all chin from the waist up.

American boxer