Random One-Liners

If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet.

Mixed metaphors

Cleaning anything involves making something else dirty, but anything can get dirty without something else getting clean.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Characteristics Situations

Bless your pea-pickin' heart.

Miscellaneous

Like a bull into a china closet.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops

If you have a pear shaped body, you should not wear pear colored clothes, or act juicy.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Appearance Body

Fear Greeks, even when they bring gifts.

Murphy’s Laws

I used to work at a health food store; I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink Health

Everybodyworks for the sales department

Murphy’s Laws Occupations Work

Of all the great qualities he had, and there were so many, there was one thing that set him apart from everybody else; he really thought I was funny.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Characteristics Self

He’s going to blow the gates of hell wide open when he goes.

Miscellaneous

All your friends are gonna be green with envious.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Characteristics Misspokements

The Englishman who has lost his fortune is said to have died of a broken heart.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher
Emotions England Money People Places Wealth

EXCLUSIVE: Obama agrees to keep Israel’s nukes secret

Headlines

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Eating Food/Drink

Smokers Have Odd Brains

Headlines

You need to dance with them what brung you.

Miscellaneous

Too many skeletons in her background

Mixed metaphors

He's as mad as a wet hen.

Miscellaneous

Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Men People Relationships

Confucius say… woman is the only hunter who uses herself for bait.

Confucius say

You don’t start traditions – traditions start.

Murphy’s Laws