Subject: Marriage (Page 23)

Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Marriage Wives

The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount spent on the wedding.

Marriage Money Murphy’s Laws Time

I want to marry the kind of girl that walks out of an abortion clinic with a lollipop.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Marriage

Everyone talks about dead-beat dads; what about the kids who just aren’t worth the child support?

American comedian & writer
Children Divorce Family Marriage

To avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Marriage

If you think your marriage is perfect, you’re probably still at your reception.

(1951 – ) American author, playwright & lyricist
Marriage

Marry an outdoors woman; then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Marriage People Women

I read recently that women still make 30% less than men in the workplace, which I think is fine, cause if we didn’t make 30% more, you guys would marry each other.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Marriage Money People Women

If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse – as a man shoots himself.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Marriage Time

Sex again Peg? … we’ve been married seventeen years now; can’t we just be friends?

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Marry your son when you will, but your daughter when you can.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Family Marriage Relationships

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

(1885 – 1957) French stage actor, film actor, director, screenwriter & playwright
Marriage Wives

Whoever came up with ice fishing must have had the worst marriage on the planet.

(1953 – ) American comedian & writer
Marriage Sports

If a man works like a horse for his money, there are a lot of girls anxious to take him down the bridal path.

(1922 – 2018) comedian & actor
Marriage Money Work

Harpo, she's a lovely person – she deserves a good husband; marry her before she finds one.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Insults Marriage People

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Communication Husbands Marriage

The trouble with most marriages is after she says ‘I do’, she won’t.

Marriage

The woman cries before the wedding and the man after.

Marriage Proverbs

When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Children Husbands Marriage

Marriage has driven more than one man to sex.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Marriage Sex

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

Husbands Marriage Wives