Subject: Age

I now consider it a good day when I don’t step on my boobs.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Appearance Body Old

Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.

Age Murphy’s Laws

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.

(384 BC – 322 BC) Greek philosopher
Age Children Family Fathers Mothers

If you eat one apple a day for 80 years, you won't die young.

(1919 – ) American sportswriter
Age Death Food/Drink Health

People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Age Children Family Past Young

Adult: One who has ceased to grow vertically, but not horizontally.

writer
Age Appearance Body People

I know we were buddies because he threatened to kill me on no fewer than three occasions, and he did that only to his friends.

(1935) British film director, producer & food critic
Conflict Friends People Young

A woman is as old as she looks before breakfast.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Age Appearance Old People Women

The young are always ready to give to those who are older than themselves the full benefits of their inexperience.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Age Young

I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Age People Relationships Women

Oh, to be seventy again.

(1841 – 1929) French statesman, physician & journalist
Age Old

Class Reunion: A gathering where you come to the conclusion that most of the people your own age are a lot older than you are.

Age Definitions

Is it common for people to become a pothead at 40? … asking for myself.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Activities Age Drugs

I can’t tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Age Old

I'm 34 years old; I thought I'd be divorced by now.

American comedian
Age Divorce Marriage

Middle age is when anything new in the way you feel is most likely a symptom.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Age

I was not a particularly small child; I was the one who always got picked to play Bethlehem in the school play.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Age Appearance Fat Self

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Old Things

I don't need drugs anymore, thank God; I can get the same effect just by standing up real fast.

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor
Age Drugs Old

Adolescence is the time in life when a youngster is well informed about anything he doesn’t have to study.

Age Education

I’ll never make the mistake of being 70 again.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Age Baseball Old Sports