Subject: Age

The gods bestowed on Max [Beerbohm] the gift of perpetual old age.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Age Insults Old

When people tell you how young you look, they are also telling you how old you are

(1904 – 1986) English-American actor
Age Appearance Old

Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must’ve been something before electricity.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Insults Old TV/Movie Quotes

You still chase women, but only downhill.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Dating Old

My secret to staying young… having no sense of time.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Age Time Young

I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Age People Relationships Women

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else… and usually is.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Age People

Outside of a dog, a book is your best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Animals Books Communication Dogs Intelligence Reading/Writing Relationships Situations

How young can you die of old age?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Age Death Life Old Young

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Age Definitions Food/Drink Health Old

The young are always ready to give to those who are older than themselves the full benefits of their inexperience.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Age Young

Lawyers, I suppose, were children once.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist
Age Children Government Law Lawyers Young

I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Age Alcohol Food/Drink Time

That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Appearance Body Old

Birthday: Anniversary of one’s birth, observed only by men and children.

Age Definitions

You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Old Situations Work

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Children Family Speech Young

She is so old… she used to baby-sit Jesus.

Age Exaggerations Old

Puberty: The awkward age when a child is too old to say something cute and too young to say something sensible.

Age Definitions

You want a friend in Washington?… get a dog.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president
Age Friends Government People Places

If you live long enough, the venerability factor creeps in; first, you get accused of things you never did, and later, credited for virtues you never had.

(1907 – 1989) American writer
Age Characteristics Old