Subject: Situations

Ray Wilkins' day will come one night.

English football player & manager
Misspokements Situations

The best way to keep a man is in doubt.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
People Situations

It’s a lot more fun to blame things than to fix them.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Situations

Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Communication Situations

First night, you get socks; second night, an eraser, a notebook – it’s a back to school holiday.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Beliefs Religion Situations

When you enter the room, you have to kiss his ring; I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Situations

You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Situations

If living conditions don't stop improving in this country, we're going to run out of humble beginnings for our great men.

(early 20th Century) American painter
Situations

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Autos Science/Weather Situations Things

If a situation requires undivided attention, it will occur simultaneously with a compelling distraction.


Murphy’s Laws Situations

If you're in a hole, stop digging.

Problems Situations

The difference between being in a relationship and being in prison is that in prison they let you play softball on the weekends.

American stand-up comedian
Relationships Situations Sports

With a black president, I can relax…I can dance in public… I can buy a whole watermelon now.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Characteristics Government President Situations

Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time — I think I’ve forgotten this before.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Health Memory Situations

We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?


(1924 – ) American businessman, president, CEO of Chrysler Corporation
Autos Situations

People who live in glass houses should masturbate in the basement.

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter
Sex Situations

I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don’t accidentally walk through into another dimension.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations

By the time we've made it, we've had it.

(1919 – 1990) publisher & author
Money Situations

I locked my keys in the car the other day…. but it was alright, I was still inside.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Situations Things

A hole is nothing at all, but you can break your neck in it.

(1858 – 1932) American physicist, physician & humorist
Problems Situations

East is East and West is West, but none of us is gonna meet Mark Twain.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops Situations