Subject: Situations

If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws Situations

Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish… my dreams were broadcast all over the world.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Situations Sleep World

I'll try anything once… twice if I like it… three times to make sure.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Situations

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I’d still say no.

American comedian
Situations

The status quo sucks.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Characteristics Situations

You've got to think lucky; if you fall into a mud hole, check your back pocket – you might have caught a fish.

(1924 – 2012) American football player & coach
Football Situations Sports

My friend Sam has one leg… I went to his house; I couldn't go up the stairs.


Situations

When someone close to you dies… move seats.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Death Situations

I fainted last night… luckily I was going to bed at the time so I didn't get hurt.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Health Situations

Somehow I never quite know what’s going on.

cartoon character, Peanuts, Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000) cartoonist
Life Situations

Whatever happens, look as if it was intended.

Acting Entertainment Murphy’s Laws Situations

I was at the breakfast table this morning and I read in the newspaper that more and more adults are living at home with their parents; that surprised me, I was like “Mom did you read this?”

(1957 – ) American comedian
Family Situations

I don't think I'm good in bed; my husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Body Sex Situations

We must believe in luck; for how else can we explain the success of those we don’t like.

(1889 – 1963) French poet, novelist, playwright, artist & filmmaker
Situations Success

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Characteristics Facts Intelligence Situations Truth

Nothing is so bad it can’t be made worse by firing the coach.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Situations Sports

I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase… I can hardly contain myself.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Situations

When I can’t sleep, I read a book by Steve Allen.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Books Insults Reading/Writing Situations

Nature abhors a vacuum… and so do I.

American cartoonist & greeting card illustrator
Housework Situations Things Work

The ice cream truck in my neighborhood plays “Helter Skelter.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Music Situations

I went to a fancy French restaurant called “Deja Vu”, and the headwaiter said, “Don’t I know you?”


Situations