Subject: Marriage

Love and marriage go together like angel cake and anthrax.

(1959 – ) English writer & columnist
Emotions Love Marriage

The trouble with most marriages is after she says ‘I do’, she won’t.

Marriage

Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage People

I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences.

comedian
Communication Marriage Speech

A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.

(1948 – 1990) comedian
Divorce Marriage Time Wives

At the end of the Peterson trial, my daughter turns to me and she goes, 'Daddy, are you going to kill Mommy?'… 'Oh, honey – that's up to Mommy, isn't it?'

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Conflict Killing Marriage Wives

France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the happiest divorces in the world are made in America.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Divorce Marriage Places

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Happiness Marriage

There is a vast difference between the savage and the civilized man, but it is never apparent to their wives until after breakfast.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Eating Food/Drink Husbands Marriage Wives

Of course a platonic relationship is possible, but only between husband and wife.


Marriage Relationships Sex

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Marriage Memory Problems Sex Wives

Marriage is a bribe to make a housekeeper think she’s a householder.

(1897 – 1975) American author & playwright
Marriage

I believe people ought to mate for life… like pigeons or Catholics.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage People

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.

(1952 – ) comedian
Marriage People Self

My wife has to be the worst cook; her specialty is indigestion.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking Food/Drink Health Wives

Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do… but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.

Husbands Marriage Wives

I wouldn’t be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife.

(1925 – 2010) American film actor
Age Marriage Wives

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Children Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Appearance Clothing Marriage

Marriage… resembles a pair of shears so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them.

(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman
Marriage

Marriage is bliss… Ignorance is bliss… Ergo…

Emotions Happiness Marriage