Subject: Marriage

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

(1533 – 1592) French writer
Marriage

The marriage makes man and wife one flesh, it leaves ‘em still two fools.

(1670 – 1729) English playwright & poet
Marriage

Many a necklace becomes a noose.

(1888 – 1982) American writer
Dating Marriage Men People Relationships Women

Wedding Ring: A one-man band.

Definitions Marriage

Wife: A former sweetheart.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Wives

I want to marry the kind of girl that walks out of an abortion clinic with a lollipop.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Marriage

I take my wife everywhere… but she keeps finding her way back.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Marriage Places Wives

A married friend of mine does that thing where he never goes to bed angry… because every time he and his wife fight, she makes him sleep on the couch.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Anger Emotions Marriage Situations Sleep

Never go to bed mad… stay up and fight.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Activities Conflict Fights Marriage Sleep

Georgie got engaged the way other people got haircuts; it was just something he did every few months whether he needed to or not.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Marriage

Love is blind… but marriage is the real eye-opener.

Emotions Love Marriage

If you hate gay marriage, then don't marry a gay person.

(1977 – ) Australian comedian
Marriage People

Don’t forget Mother’s Day; or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad’s Third Wife Day.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Divorce Family Marriage Mothers

Politicians are wedded to the truth, but like many other married couples they sometimes live apart.

(1870 – 1916) British writer
Characteristics Government Honesty Marriage Politicians Truth

Why go out for milk when you've got a cow at home.

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Husband: Someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

All of the troubles that some people have in life is that which they married into.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Marriage Problems

You might be a redneck if… you think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Things Wives

I’ve had bad luck with both my wives; the first one left me and the second one didn’t.

(1956 – ) English actor
Marriage Wives

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking; it’s called marriage.

(1953 – 1992) American comedian
Marriage Money

Marriage… resembles a pair of shears so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them.

(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman
Marriage