Subject: Food/Drink

The food here is so tasteless you could eat a meal of it and belch and it wouldn’t remind you of anything.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Food/Drink

I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink

Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.

(1932 – ) British novelist & journalist
Cooking Food/Drink Life Time

All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Alcohol Beer Food/Drink

The English contribution to world cuisine – the chip.

(1939 – ) English actor, comedian, writer & producer
Cooking England Food/Drink Places

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Food/Drink Money Success

Using words to describe magic is like using a screwdriver to cut roast beef.

(1936 – ) novelist
Communication Food/Drink Language Things

Casserole: A method used by ingenious cooks to get rid of leftovers.

Definitions Food/Drink

I thought AAA was an organization for people who are really bad alcoholics.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Health

If you can laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Accidents Alcohol Emotions Laughter

A diet is a system of starving yourself to death so you can live a little longer.

(1930 – 1978) American comedian
Food/Drink

Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America that's never been advertised; and there's a reason – all of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Food/Drink Past Time

I went to a pizzeria, I ordered a slice of pizza, the f**ker gave me the smallest slice possible; if the pizza was a pie chart for what people would do if they found a million dollars, the f**ker gave me the “donate it to charity” slice.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor.

(1917 – 1995) singer, actor & comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink

You cannot trust people who have such bad cuisine; it is the country with the worst food after Finland.

(1932 – ) French statesman & president
England Food/Drink Places

There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Food/Drink People Things

A man thinks he amounts to a great deal but to a flea or a mosquito a human being is merely something good to eat.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Characteristics Food/Drink

Sam: What’s the story Norm?

Norm: Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer TV/Movie Quotes

Chinese Food: You do not sew with a fork, and I see no reason why you should eat with knitting needles.

Muppet character (Frank Oz)
Eating Food/Drink Things TV/Movie Quotes

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case; coincidence?

Alcohol Beer Food/Drink

You can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs.

Conflict Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws