Subject: Food/Drink

The English contribution to world cuisine – the chip.

(1939 – ) English actor, comedian, writer & producer
England Food/Drink Places

I go running when I have to – like when the ice cream truck is going 60, or I need a lift to the bakery.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Activities Exercise Food/Drink

Everything is cold except what should be.

Cold Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Beliefs Food/Drink

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served nothing but leftovers… the original meal was never found.

(1959 – ) British/American actress, comedian, director, author & screenwriter
Eating Food/Drink Mothers

We are in such a slump that even the ones that aren’t drinkin’ aren’t hittin’.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Alcohol Baseball Food/Drink Sports

At my house we pray AFTER we eat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Eating Food/Drink

I didn't climb to the top of the f**kin' food chain to eat carrots.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

There is a vast difference between the savage and the civilized man, but it is never apparent to their wives until after breakfast.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Eating Food/Drink Husbands Marriage Wives

Almost nobody dances sober, unless they happen to be insane.

(1890 – 1937) author
Activities Alcohol Dance

Can I draw you a beer, Norm?

No, I know what they look like; just pour me one.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer TV/Movie Quotes

Anything that you have to acquire a taste for was not meant to be eaten.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, singer & director
Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

I like cottage cheese. That's why I want to try other dwelling cheeses, too. How about studio apartment cheese? Tent cheese? Mobile home cheese? Do not eat mobile home cheese in a tornado.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

Abstainer: The kind of man you wouldn’t want to drink with even if he did.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor
Alcohol Food/Drink People

Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

Definitions Food/Drink

Woody: Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?

Norm: Alright, but stop me at one… make that one-thirty.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer TV/Movie Quotes

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education Food/Drink School

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o’clock in the morning.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
Food/Drink Health

Triscuit is the perfect combination of cracker and doormat.

American television writer & producer
Food/Drink

In a family recipe that you discovered in an old book, the most vital measurement will be illegible.

Cooking Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

They say Flintstone's vitamins are chewable; all vitamins are chewable, it's just that they taste shitty.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Characteristics Food/Drink