Subject: Time

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Life Time

My wife and I were happy for 20 years… then we met.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Emotions Happiness Marriage Time Wives

Historian: An editor of yesterday’s news.

Definitions History Occupations Time Work

The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. Well, I didn't live in this century.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
America History Misspokements Places

A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body – the wishbone.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Life Time

I used to do drugs; I still do, but I used to, too.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Drugs Past

Tomorrow: What always comes but never arrives.

Definitions Future Time

Never make predictions… especially about the future.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Future Misspokements Time

What men learn from history is that men do not learn from history.

Education History Learning Murphy’s Laws People Time

Women reach their sexual peak after 35 years; men reach theirs after about four minutes.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Men People Sex Time Women

If you play with anything long enough, it will break.

Murphy’s Laws Things Time

If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Time

The English are not very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
England People Places Sports Time

I’d like to grow very old as slowly as possible.

(1907 - 1990) American theatrical producer
Age Old Time

The critical period of matrimony is breakfast time.

(1890 – 1971) English humorist, novelist & playwright
Marriage Time

By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task overwhelm me.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Situations Time Work

It isn't that things will necessarily go wrong (Murphy's Law), but rather that they will take so much more time and effort than you think if they are not to go wrong.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Time

Shirley Temple had charisma as a child… but it cleared up as an adult.

(1930 – 1978) American comedian
Characteristics Time

The shortest measurable interval of time is the time between the moment one puts a little extra aside for a sudden emergency and the arrival of that emergency.

Money Murphy’s Laws Problems Time

History does not repeat itself; historians simply repeat each other.

History Murphy’s Laws Time

If, in the course of several months, if only three worthwhile social events take place, they will all fall on the same evening.

Time