Subject: Time

You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Husbands Marriage Time

If we really learned from our past mistakes, most of us would never get out of bed in the morning.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Education History Learning Mistakes

Any renovation project on an old house will cost twice as much and take three times as long as originally estimated.

Money Murphy’s Laws Time

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Death Things Time

The world gets better every day – then worse again in the evening.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Places Time World

So little time and so little to do.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Activities Time

Spend sufficient time confirming the need and the need will disappear.

Murphy’s Laws Time

What is history but a set of lies agreed upon.

(1769 – 1821) French general & politician
History Time

Everything goes wrong all at once.

Murphy’s Laws Time

The hands on my biological clock are giving me the finger.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Age People Self Time

Having imagination it takes you an hour to write a paragraph that if you were unimaginative would take you only a minute.

(1881 – 1960) American columnist
Communication Intelligence Reading/Writing Time

People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Age Children Family Past Young

The future will be better tomorrow.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Bushisms Future Time

My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet the boat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
History People Things Time

The only things that start on time are those that you're late for.

Murphy’s Laws Situations Time

If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Time

Good punctuation means not to be late.

Malaprops Time

I haven’t slept for ten days… because that would be too long.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Situations Sleep Time

If I had my life to live over, I wouldn't have time.

(1936 – 1992) singer, songwriter, musician & actor
Life People Self Time

Absolutum obsoletum – if it works, it’s out of date.

(1926 – 2002) British management theorist & professor
Murphy’s Laws Time

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Life Time