Subject: Time

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.

I usually take a two hour nap from 1 to 4.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

Shirley Temple had charisma as a child… but it cleared up as an adult.

(1930 – 1978) American comedian

Good punctuation means not to be late.

I never put on a pair of shoes until I’ve worn them at least five years.

(1879 – 1974) film producer

Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist

Seems like only a year ago they were married nine years!

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian

For sincere advice and the correct time, call any number at random at 3:00 a.m.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

I’d always believed that old saying that the first 15 minutes in jail were the toughest, until I experienced the five minutes after that.

(1962 – ) American actor, comedian, writer, director & producer

While it may be true that a watched pot never boils, the one you don’t keep and eye on can make an awful mess on your stove.

(1820 – 1897) Mormon missionary

Futon World – a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.

(1973 – ) American comedian

Anything that can be changed will be changed up until there is no time left to change anything.

I hated Geography… because it’s just like History… except without people and dates.

(1956 – ) American entertainer & comedian

It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter’s Law into account.

History must repeat itself because we pay such little attention to it the first time.

(1919 – ) American sportswriter

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

It always takes longer to get there than to get back.

A meeting lasts at least 1 1/2 hours, however short the agenda.

Up at the crank of dawn.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian

So what if I can’t spell Armaggedon? … it’s not the end of the world.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer