Subject: Time

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.

Murphy’s Laws Time

I usually take a two hour nap from 1 to 4.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Time Yogi-isms

Shirley Temple had charisma as a child… but it cleared up as an adult.

(1930 – 1978) American comedian
Characteristics Time

Good punctuation means not to be late.

Malaprops Time

I never put on a pair of shoes until I’ve worn them at least five years.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Appearance Clothing Misspokements Time

Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Characteristics Hollywood Places Time

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist
Time Work

Seems like only a year ago they were married nine years!

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Marriage Time

For sincere advice and the correct time, call any number at random at 3:00 a.m.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Activities Sleep Time

I’d always believed that old saying that the first 15 minutes in jail were the toughest, until I experienced the five minutes after that.

(1962 – ) American actor, comedian, writer, director & producer
Situations Time

While it may be true that a watched pot never boils, the one you don’t keep and eye on can make an awful mess on your stove.

(1820 – 1897) Mormon missionary
Cooking Food/Drink Time

Futon World – a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Shopping Situations Things Time

Anything that can be changed will be changed up until there is no time left to change anything.

Murphy’s Laws Time

I hated Geography… because it’s just like History… except without people and dates.

(1956 – ) American entertainer & comedian
Education History School Time

It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter’s Law into account.

Murphy’s Laws Time

History must repeat itself because we pay such little attention to it the first time.

(1919 – ) American sportswriter
History Sports Time

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Food/Drink Hollywood Marriage Time

It always takes longer to get there than to get back.

Murphy’s Laws Time Travel

A meeting lasts at least 1 1/2 hours, however short the agenda.

Murphy’s Laws Time

Up at the crank of dawn.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Malaprops Time

So what if I can’t spell Armaggedon? … it’s not the end of the world.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Time