Subject: Death

The good Lord never gives you more than you can handle… unless you die of something.

(1935 – ) American cartoonist
Beliefs Death God Life Problems

I don’t want to die in the middle of the football season; I have to know who’s No. 1 in the last polls.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Death Football Sports

Secretary: Someday you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.

Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Death Food/Drink

I am going.

(1899 – 1982) King of Swaziland
Last words

Death: Life’s way of telling you you’ve been fired.

Death Definitions Life

Success has killed more men than bullets.

(1884 – 1933) American saloon keeper, actress & entrepreneur
Death Success

And always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said, “A truck!”

(1956 – ) American comedian
Communication Death Family Language Last words

Capital Punishment: Killing people who kill people to prove that killing people is wrong.

Crime Death Definitions Killing

But how the devil do you think this could harm me?

(1713 – 1784) French philosopher, art critic & writer
Last words

I always read the last page of a book first so that if I die before I finish, I will know how it turned out.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Communication Death Reading/Writing

Dying is no big deal, living is the trick.

(1905–1982) American sportswriter
Death Life

Apart from that, Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?

(1928 – ) humorist, singer, songwriter & satirist
Death Situations

Memorial Service: Farewell party for someone who has already left.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator
Death

I detest life insurance agents; they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.

(1869 – 1944) Canadian economist & humorist
Death

One dies only once, and it’s for such a long time!

(1622 – 1673) French playwright & actor
Death

People Who Don’t Know They’re Dead

Book Titles Death People

Go away. I'm all right.

(1866 – 1946) English author
Last words

What is the time? Never mind, it’s not important…

(1817 – 1882) Hungarian journalist, writer, poet & translator
Last words

Utter nonsense.

(1884 – 1962) diplomat & reformer & first lady
Last words

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Death Life

If I was on death row and given one last meal I would ask for a fortune cookie; “Come on ‘long prosperous life!’”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Death Food/Drink