Subject: Death

They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance!

(1813 – 1864) American teacher & Union Army general in the Civil War
Death Government Military

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Communication Death Hair Time

Life is pleasant… death is peaceful; it’s the transition that’s troublesome.

(1920 – 1992) American science and science fiction author & professor
Death Life

Why should I talk to you? I've just been talking with your boss.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Last words

In America nothing dies easier than tradition.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
America Death Places

I’ll never die in my sleep… I don’t sleep that well.

(1889 – 1966) American humorist, writer, illustrator & cartoonist
Activities Death Sleep

When people bury other people, they should be damn certain that’s where they want them to be.


Death

Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

(1956 – ) author & movie actress
Death

All my possessions for a moment of time.

(1533 – 1603) Queen of England & Ireland
Last words

Cut 'er loose, Doc!

(1861 – 1909) American painter, illustrator, sculptor & writer
Last words

I just don't want to die the same day Castro dies.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Death Self

But how the devil do you think this could harm me?

(1713 – 1784) French philosopher, art critic & writer
Last words

Too late for fruit, too soon for flowers.

(1873 – 1956) English poet, short story writer & novelist
Last words

I don't feel good.

(1849 – 1926) American botanist & horticulturist
Last words

Sergeant, the Spanish bullet isn't made that will kill me.

(1860 – 1898) American soldier with the Rough Riders, sheriff, newspaper editor, politician, gambler & lawyer
Last words

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Alcohol Death Food/Drink Time

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Death Husbands Mothers

We were making love and I took the bag off my head.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Death Ugly

I intend to live forever… or die trying.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Death Life

One day my girlfriend asked me, “If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?” I said, “No.” She said, “Okay, forget it.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Death

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Death