Subject: Death

Don’t ask me how I am! I understand nothing more.

(1805 – 1875) Danish author & poet noted for his children’s stories
Last words

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Death

The report of my death was an exaggeration.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Death Exaggerations

If I were a grave-digger, or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

(1803 – 1857) English writer
Death Insults Occupations People Work

The comfort of turning 49 is the realization that you are now too old to die young.

Age Death Murphy’s Laws Old

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Death

If I had known the difference between the words ‘antidote’ and ‘anecdote,’ one of my good friends would still be living.

comedian
Communication Death Health Language

Only you have ever understood me… and you got it wrong.

(1770 – 1831) German philosopher
Last words

Surprise me!

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Death Yogi-isms

When Sinclair (Lewis) is dead he’s dead; when I die I’m immortal.

(1873 – 1945) journalist & author
Death People Self

Murderers – stop murdering; everyone will die eventually… just sit down and be patient.

(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Death Killing

That picture is awful dusty.

(1847 – 1882) American outlaw, bank robber & convicted murderer
Last words

A candidate could easily commit political suicide if he were to come up with an unconventional thought during a presidential tour.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
Death Government Politicians

Never felt better.

(1911 – 2000) American actor
Last words

All persons, living or dead, are purely coincidental, and should not be construed.

(1922 – 2007) American novelist
Death Life

Suicide is cheating the doctor out of a job.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Death Doctors Health

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

Death Definitions

I intend to live forever… or die trying.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Death Life

I have lost friends, some by death… others through sheer inability to cross the street.

(1882 – 1941) English novelist, essayist, publisher & feminist
Accidents Age Death Friends People

Kaputt…

(1892 – 1918) German fighter pilot widely known as the Red Baron
Last words

The prettier. Now fight for it.

(1851 – 1929) English dramatist & playwright
Last words