Subject: Sex

I’m going down so often these days you’d think I was making a blue movie.

English boxer
Boxing Misspokements Sex Sports

What was I thinking when I said “I do”? I’d already had sex with her; I didn’t need that again.

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Marriage has driven more than one man to sex.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Marriage Sex

Sex with me is like taking the SATs: just show up on time, do the best you can, and when I say stop, put your little pencil down.

(1969 – ) American stand-up comedian & actress
Sex

I don’t talk during sex ‘cause it’s embarrassing and it might wake her up.

stand-up comedian & writer
Communication Sex Speech

You’d better begin your sexual intercourse after the delivery after the one mouth check-up with a doctor.

Sex Translations

My husband asked me to talk dirty to him during sex; I told him to go f**k himself.


Communication Sex Speech

I figured out I’m bisexual; I have sex twice a year.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex

One night I figured – let my wife make the first move… she went to Florida.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.

Sex

I learned about sex the hard way… from books.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Books Communication Sex

Now I keep reading that I'm over the hill sexually; I don't even remember having a sexual peak when I was 19; I just remember apologizing a lot.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Sex

Sex isn't necessary; you don't die without it – but you can die having it.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Sex

The only advice I ever got from my dad is this: sex is like pizza, even when it's bad you still gotta pay for it.

(1962 – ) American stand-up comedian, writer, actor & radio host
Sex

I have a rule, and that is to never look at somebody's face while we're having sex; because, number one, what if I know the guy?

(1969 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
Sex Situations

To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent; she can't wait to disprove it.

(1904 – 1986) English-American actor
Dating Sex

I once caught a peeping Tom booing me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Sex Situations

I have no problem with homophobia; as long as they do it behind closed doors.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Fear Sex

Sex and death; two things that come once in a lifetime… only after death, you’re not so nauseous.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death Sex

Some people are better imagined in one's bed than found there in the morning.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Ideas Sex Situations

If Miss means respectably unmarried, and Mrs. respectably married, then Ms. means nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

(1940 – 1992) English writer
Language Marriage Sex