Subject: Sex

People think I hate sex; I don’t; I just don’t like things that stop you seeing the television properly.

(1953 – 2016) British comedian, actress, singer & screenwriter
Entertainment Sex Television

Sex: The thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
Problems Sex Time

You know that look women get when they want sex… me, neither.

(1958 – ) standup comedian, actor, game show host & photographer
People Sex Women

Sam: [angry] You want to know the truth? It wasn’t four honeys. It was four hundred women… easy.

Diane: [coolly] They’d have to be.

(1949 – ) American actress
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them.

(1955– ) writer & screenwriter
Conversation Men People Sex Women

I ain't a man of carnival instinctuals like you.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops Sex

Pulled my groin the other day – for about 20 minutes.

(1963 – ) American comedian
Activities Language Sex

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Sex

I have no problem with homophobia; as long as they do it behind closed doors.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Fear Sex

Niagara Falls: The bride’s second great disappointment.

Definitions Places Sex

Candy, is dandy, but liquor, is quicker.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Alcohol Food/Drink Sex Time

Sex alleviates tension; love causes it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Emotions Love Sex

Stand-Up [comedy] is a lot like sex; there's a lot of crying involved and I get paid to do it.

(1982 – ) American actress & comedian
Entertainment Money Sex

My vagina is like Newark [New Jersey]; men know it’s there, but they don’t want to visit.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Self Sex

It is not enough to be abstinent with other people, you also have to be abstinent alone; the Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery…. you can’t masturbate without lust!

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)
Beliefs Misspokements Religion Sex

Sex with me is like taking the SATs: just show up on time, do the best you can, and when I say stop, put your little pencil down.

(1969 – ) American stand-up comedian & actress
Sex

Sex Education: Sermon on the mount.

Definitions Sex Wordplay

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

(1894 – 1963) English writer
Intelligence Sex

What do atheists scream when they come?

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Sex

I remember the first time I had sex – I kept the receipt.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Sex

Raj: 60 seconds. This is not looking good.
Sheldon: One minute is a long time.
Howard: I’ve been telling women that for 20 years.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician
Sex TV/Movie Quotes