Subject: Work

Here I am paying big money to you writers and what for? … all you do is change the words.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Communication Misspokements Occupations Reading/Writing Work

Lawyers are operators of the toll bridge which anyone in search of justice must pass.

(1939 – ) American financial journalist
Lawyers Occupations

I don’t think I got the job at Microsoft™… they didn’t respond to my telegram.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Work

If there's anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Government People Work

Historian: An editor of yesterday’s news.

Definitions History Occupations Time Work

Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings.

(1934 – 2010) American baseball manager
Occupations People Self Work

The only problem with having nothing to do is you can't stop and rest.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Problems Situations Work

Good Old Days: A block of time which ended a week before you were hired.

Definitions Past Time Work

Most people still believe in a hard day’s work, but they also believe it should be spread out over the course of a week or two.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Time Work

If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes – make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.

(1961 – ) English comedian, actor, director, producer & writer
Time TV/Movie Quotes Work

Telemarketer: A minimum waged person who calls a bunch of people on a list to sell them something that they probably don’t need, and gets hung up on because the person being called usually has a mouth full of food.

Definitions Occupations

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
Characteristics People Work

Well, we can't stand about here doing nothing; people will think we're workmen.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright
Work

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Characteristics Situations Work

I now know I’m psychic, because every time I go see a fortune teller, I know everything she says will be absolute bullshit ahead of time.

Miscellaneous Occupations

Dentist: A collector of old magazines.

Definitions Occupations

It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.

(1970 – ) American comedian & television game show host
Occupations Things Work

I quit my job at the helium gas factory; I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Speech Work

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Success Time Work

Trouble strikes in series of threes, but when working around the house the next job after a series of three is not the fourth job – it's the start of a brand new series of three.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Work