Subject: Life

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist

Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.

(1932 – ) British novelist & journalist

Life is a tale told by an idiot – full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.

(1928 – 1982) American novelist, short story writer & essayist

When I grow up I want to be a little boy.

(1923 – 1999) American satirical novelist, short story writer & playwright

If you want to get ahead in this world get a lawyer – not a book.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

Everything takes more time and money.

Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

(1928 – ) humorist, singer, songwriter & satirist

It’s good to be here… but at 98, it’s good to be anywhere.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.

(1899 – 1986) American writer, journalist & cartoonist

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today; it’s already tomorrow in Australia.

(1922 – 2000) American cartoonist (Peanuts)

The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? … in that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

A solved problem creates two new problems, and the best prescription for happy living is not to solve any more problems than you have to.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist

If I had my life to live over, I’d live it over a deli.

(1926 – 2009) comedian, actor, radio – TV personality & host

To better understand why you need a personal computer, let’s take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Never do anything you wouldn’t get caught dead doing.

You can’t do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth.

(1899 – 1995) humorist

We live in a world where John Lennon was murdered, yet Barry Manilow continues to put out f**king albums.

(1961 – 1994) comedian

You only live once, and the way I live, once is enough.

(1915 – 1998) American singer & actor

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist