Subject: Relationships

My boyfriend and I broke up; he wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Marriage Relationships

He that lies down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Animals Dogs Relationships

A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick; a youth with his first girl makes other people sick.

(1880 – ?) American author
Dating People Relationships

As my mother used to say, ‘You’ll get unconditional love from me when you’ve earned it.

(1954 – ) American stand-up comedian
Emotions Family Mothers Relationships

It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party.

(1957 – ) English novelist, essayist & screenwriter
Entertainment Music Relationships

My grandfather avoided the Holocaust with his ability to hide, and by not being Jewish, and by living in Canada his entire life.

Canadian comedian & actor
Relationships Situations

The only difference in the game of love over the last few thousand years is that they've changed trumps from clubs to diamonds.

Emotions Love Relationships

We had to break up, though… we wanted different things… like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear.

(1981 – ) American Comedian
Dating Relationships

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

Dating Definitions Relationships

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Dating People Relationships Self Sex

You still chase women, but only downhill.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Dating Old

My computer dating bureau came up with a perfect gentleman; still, I've got another three goes.


Dating Relationships

She plucked from my lapel the invisible strand of lint (the universal act of women to proclaim ownership).

William Sydney Porter (1862 – 1910) American writer
People Relationships Women

My mother said it was simple to keep a man: you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom; I said I’d hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit.

(1956 – ) American model & actress
Family Men Mothers People Relationships Sex

You might be a redneck if… your family tree doesn’t fork.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Family People Relationships

I'm glad I'm not bisexual… I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women.

(1930 – 2007) English comedian & nightclub owner
People Relationships

I was born in Alabama, I was raised in Georgia; I'm so Southern I'm related to myself.

(1958 – ) American actress & stand-up comedian
Places Relationships

Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life.

cartoon character in, Peanuts, by Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000)
Relationships

I took a girl out on a date the other night and I knew it wasn't gonna go anywhere sexually, you know, because I was out of chloroform and rags.

(1961 – ) American actor & comedian
Dating Sex

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Family Places Relationships

I belong to no organized party… I am a Democrat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Government Politicians Politics Relationships