Subject: Relationships

A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick; a youth with his first girl makes other people sick.

(1880 – ?) American author
Dating People Relationships

Love matches are formed by people who pay for a month of honey with a life of vinegar.

(Countess of Blessington) (1789 – 1849) Irish novelist
Relationships

I don't have a boyfriend right now; I'm looking for anyone with a job that I don't have to support.

(1967 – 2007) American model
Money Relationships

When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky… a woman already knows.

Dating Men People Sex Women

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face; that's the price she has to pay.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Dating Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

I'd go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Dating Old People Relationships Women

Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Men People Relationships

[explaining why she broke up with her ex] We had different needs. I needed him to treat me decently and get a job, and he needed to empty my bank account and leave.

(1963 – ) American actress & singer-songwriter
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

It is not necessary to have relatives in Kansas City to be unhappy.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Family Insults Places Relationships

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun!

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
People Relationships Women

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist – she did everybody.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Dating Relationships Sex

The difference between being in a relationship and being in prison is that in prison they let you play softball on the weekends.

American stand-up comedian
Relationships Situations Sports

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

Dating Definitions Relationships

Marry your son when you will, but your daughter when you can.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Family Marriage Relationships

My girlfriend wants me to choke her while we’re having sex… but I say, what’s wrong with while we’re having dinner?

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Girlfriends Relationships Sex

A man leaves a woman for another woman, but a woman leaves a man for herself.


Men People Relationships Women

The best way to hold a man is in your arms.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men Relationships

Bitch Are You Retarded?: Stop Being a Dumbass! Either He Loves You, He’s in Love with You, or You’re Just Something to Do for Right Now….

Book Titles Relationships

Men, I feel, are like wine – before buying, a real connoisseur takes a small sip, and spits them out.

(1936 – 1993) British writer
Men People Relationships

If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs

Book Titles Relationships Sex

If you treat a girl like a dog, she’s going to piss on you.

(1964 – ) American singer-songwriter & musician
Dating Girls People Relationships