Subject: Activities

I smoke 10 to 15 cigars a day, at my age I have to hold on to something.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Activities Age Old

The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Activities People Travel

Keeping house is as unpleasant and filthy as coal mining, and the pay's a lot worse.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Activities Housework

1. Anything done while honking your horn is legal.
2. You may park anywhere if you turn your four-way flashers on.
3. A red light means the next six cars may go through the intersection.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws New York City Places

I smoke like a 5-alarm fire.

(1884 – 1933) American saloon keeper, actress & entrepreneur
Activities

Don't worry, I'm merely catching up with sleep.

Epitaphs Situations Sleep

My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Family Housework Mothers

I’ve read some of your modern free verse and wonder who set it free.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
Communication Reading/Writing Shopping

I like American women; they do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing… like showering.

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
Activities Places Sex

Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Characteristics Exercise Work

The most important item in an order will no longer be available.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

Activities

Underwater Swimmer: One who practices submersive activitites.

Activities Definitions

I never smoke grass and drive my car because, for one thing, no matter how many letters I write to the road commissions, they still refuse to start designing highways with second-chance exits.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Autos Driving Things

Vacation: Two weeks on the sunny sands – and the rest of the year on the financial rocks.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
Activities Money Places Time

I gotta quit smoking, doctor’s orders… and the drinking, court orders.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Activities

If God had really intended man to fly, He’d make it easier to get to the airport.

(1925 – 2013) comedian & actor
Activities Travel

If I saw you hitchhiking, I’d smile and return your thumb’s up, just for you doing such a great job of being a positive roadside influence.

(1982 – ) American author
Activities Situations

The only cultural advantage L.A. has over New York is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Driving New York City Places

My first rule of consumerism is never to buy anything you can’t make your children carry.

American author
Activities Shopping

I donated blood today… that's what I call getting an AIDS test.

(1981 – ) American Comedian
Activities