Subject: Activities

A British newspaper published a photo of Michael Phelps inhaling from a marijuana pipe; Phelps says he only took one hit, but he held it for three minutes.

(1952 – ) American fitness coach & educator
Activities Drugs

The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong – but that’s the way to bet.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Sports

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Games

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping; men invade another country.

(1952 – ) comedian
Eating Men People Shopping War Women

I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Activities Places Things Travel

You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Housework Things Time Work

I don’t do drugs anymore – than, say, the average touring funk band.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Activities Drugs

I swam in the dead sea when it was only critically ill.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Activities Health Places

There is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can’t get away.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Activities

I am always doing things I can’t do, that's how I get to do them.

(1881 – 1973) Spanish painter, sculptor, printmaker & stage designer
Activities

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Activities Life Sports

Strip Poker: A game in which the more you lose the more you have to show for it.

Activities Definitions

The remaining distance to your chosen campsite remains constant as twilight approaches.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

My Big Sister Takes Drugs

Book Titles Drugs

I knew these Siamese twins; they moved to England, so the other one could drive.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Driving England Places

I love blackjack… but I'm not addicted to gambling… I'm addicted to sitting in a semicircle.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities

I hate traveling, I guess ’cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Activities Conflict Family Fathers Travel

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish… and feed yourself. He’s a grown man. And fishing’s not that hard.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter
Activities TV/Movie Quotes

Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing.

(1912 – 1977) German-born rocket engineer
Activities Work

I used to be addicted to swimming but I’m very proud to say I’ve been dry for six years.

English police officer, writer, stand-up comedian & radio performer
Activities Sports

My daughter… she failed her drivers test; she couldn’t get used to the front seat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Children Driving Family Sex