Subject: People

Sometimes when I’m bored, I like to people watch… and I got to a touristy area and I play this game I just made up; I call it “Lesbian or Midwestern?”

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Appearance People

Women are absolutely equal; they just can't quite lift as much.

(1953 – ) American singer, songwriter, actor, author & radio personality
Men People Women

Philanthropist: One who returns to the people publicly what he steals from them privately.

Definitions People

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

(1917 – 1994) American writer
People Relationships

It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like “What about lunch?”

fictional character from the book series by A. A. Milne
Communication Eating Language People Speech

Monica Lewinsky has agreed to host a new Fox reality show called Mr. Personality; Lewinsky says this way, when people ask her the most degrading thing she's ever done, she'll have a new answer.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Insults People

Wait till these Enron guys find out that in prison, the term "insider trading" has a whole new meaning.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
People

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.

Marriage Men Murphy’s Laws People Wives

Acquaintance: A degree of friendship called ‘slight’ when its object is poor and ‘intimate’ when he is rich or famous.

Definitions People

I'm convinced that his voice comes out of his eyelids.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Entertainment People

Hey, I don’t get respect from anyone… why, American Airlines thanked me for flying United.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Insults People Self

[Dan] Quayle thinks Roe vs. Wade are two ways to cross the Potomac.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
People

Off-the-docks Jews.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops People

Imagine being in a room filled with losers.

(1968 – ) Welsh comedian
Characteristics People

Now is the time for all good men to come to.

(1913 – 1973) American animator & cartoonist (Pogo)
People Time

If he slices the budget like he slices a (golf) ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf Government People Sports

Egotism: Usually a case of mistaken nonentity.

(1907 – 1990) American actress
Characteristics Self

It’s easier to find a traveling companion than to get rid of one.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Activities People Travel

Men will cook if danger is involved.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Cooking Food/Drink Men People

You might be a redneck if… you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

Recent surveys have shown that 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation; the rest just didn’t really think it was a problem.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Men People Sex