Subject: Emotions

I remember what I was doing the first time I told someone I loved them… I was lying to get sex.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Emotions Love Sex Situations

Love never dies of starvation, but often of indigestion.

(1620 – 1705) French author, courtesan & patron of the arts
Emotions Love

My uncle Sammy was an angry man… he had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Anger Emotions

Love thy neighbor… but don't pull down your hedge.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Emotions

My grandfather used to make home movies and edit out the joy.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Happiness

A lot of people are afraid of heights, but not me… I'm afraid of widths.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Fear People

As long as I have you there is just one other thing I'll always need — tremendous self control.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Emotions Situations

Love conquers all things… except poverty and toothache.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Emotions Health Love Money

Ernie Irvan could go bear hunting with a switch. He ain't never afraid.

American auto racer
Auto racing Emotions Fear Sports

I'm not upset about my divorce; I'm only upset I'm not a widow.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Divorce Emotions Marriage

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Emotions Golf Laughter Sports

You don’t know what love is ’til you become a parent and fish a turd out of the bathtub for someone, then have to act positive about it.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Children Emotions Family Love

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you’re telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Children Emotions Family Love

Men love war because it allows them to look serious… it is the one thing that stops women laughing at them.

(1926 – 2005) English novelist & essayist
Conflict Emotions Laughter Men People War Women

They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian; well, they’re not laughing now.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Emotions Entertainment Laughter People

The fury engendered by the misspelling of a name in a (newspaper) column is in direct ratio to the obscurity of the mentionee.

Anger Characteristics Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

Adultery is the application of democracy to love.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Love Marriage Sex

People who say that money can't buy happiness just don't know where to shop.

(1958 – ) Australian author
Emotions Happiness Money People Shopping

There must be one day above all others in each life that is the happiest

Corollary: What if you’ve already had it?

Emotions Happiness Murphy’s Laws Time

Learn to laugh at yourself, we certainly have.

Emotions Laughter Proverbs

My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then to say it with the utmost levity.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Communication Emotions Speech