Subject: Characteristics

He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.

(1944 – 2007) newspaper columnist, political commentator, humorist & author
Characteristics Insults

I’ve been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks; the rest of them take after the other side of the family.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
America Characteristics Family Fathers People Places

I wear my heart on my sleeve… I wear my liver on my pant leg.


Appearance Body Characteristics Emotions Situations

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

(1916 – 1996) American comic book artist
Characteristics

What, Me Worry?

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Characteristics

Somewhere between the Angels and the French lies the rest of humanity.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People

Too much of a good thing is wonderful.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Characteristics

Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.

(1934 – ) Italian actress
Characteristics Sex

I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, "Have you read…"

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Characteristics Honesty Lies

Why is it that nobody understands me and everybody likes me?

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Characteristics People Self Understanding

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves into a position of power should on no account be allowed to do the job.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Characteristics Government People Work

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Anger Characteristics Emotions

There are no good girls gone wrong, just bad girls found out.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Characteristics Girls People Women

The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one often comes from strong will, and the other from strong won’t.

(1813 – 1887) American clergyman, social reformer & abolitionist
Characteristics Wordplay

This guy says, ‘I’m perfect for you, ‘cause I’m a cross between a macho and a sensitive man.’ … I said, ‘Oh, a gay trucker?’

(1956 – ) American entertainer & comedian
Characteristics Men People

Super-competence is more objectionable than incompetence.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws Problems

Modesty in an actor is as fake as passion in a call girl.

(1916 – 1987) television actor & comedian
Characteristics Emotions Entertainment

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics Opinion People

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

(1959 – ) American comedian
Characteristics Taxes

Politeness is the most acceptable hypocrisy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics

Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Characteristics Exercise Work