Subject: Entertainment

The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.

(1909 – 2000) Danish-born comedian & pianist
Entertainment Music Things

Acting is merely the art of keeping a large number of people from coughing.

(1902 – 1983) English actor
Acting Entertainment Occupations

A drama critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Communication Entertainment Wordplay

Television: A medium; so called because it is neither rare nor well done.

(1919 – 1962) American comedian, actor & writer
Entertainment Television

The number of people who will not go to a show they do not want to see is unlimited.

(1895 – 1960) American lyricist
Entertainment

Assassins!

(1867 – 1957) Italian conductor
Music Reviews/Criticism

I've seen a topless lady ventriloquist… nobody has ever seen her lips move!

(1927 – 2018) British comedian, singer & songwriter
Appearance Body Entertainment

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Entertainment Self

The Detroit String Quartet played Brahms last night… Brahms lost.

(1898 – 1971) American humorist
Music Reviews/Criticism

I know this music from memory, not from the music.

(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist
Entertainment Memory Misspokements Music

You might be a redneck if… your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Entertainment Music People Rednecks

When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as if the strings are still in the cat.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Animals Cats Entertainment Music

Argentina invaded the Falklands because they had ESPN and the Argentines wanted to get the late scores.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Entertainment Sports Television

The best that can be said for Norwegian television is that it gives you the sensation of a coma without the worry and inconvenience

American author
Places Television

It's ill-becoming for an old broad to sing about how bad she wants it… but occasionally we do.

(1917 – 2010) American singer & actress
Entertainment People Sex Women

You want to know how I think art should be taught to children? … Take them to a museum and say, “This is art, and you can’t do it.”

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Art Entertainment

I don't know what was wrong with my television last night, but I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station, and I actually bought a congressman.

(1951 – ) American comedian & writer
Congress Entertainment Government Politicians Television

Kind of like the difference between making love and masturbation, I’d say.

(1946 – ) American actress & activist
Acting Entertainment

A movie so good they named a country after it.

(1940 – ) American-born British screenwriter, film director, animator & actor (Monty Python’s Flying Circus)
Entertainment Film

Timing is not so much knowing when to speak, but when to pause.

(1894 – 1974) comedian, radio & television host
Entertainment

You know you’re getting old when you start watching golf on TV and enjoying it.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist
Age Entertainment Golf Old Television