Subject: Beliefs

People that put up Christmas decorations, all they’re saying is ‘Hey, we’re not Jews.’

(1957 – ) American comedian
Beliefs Religion Situations

The Bible says gays aren’t natural; what? … and a talking snake is?!

(1980 – ) English comedian, television and radio presenter & actor
Beliefs People

I have an existential map; it has ‘you are here’ written all over it.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs Self

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Beliefs People Religion

Propaganda is the art of persuading others of what one does not believe oneself.

(1915 – 2002) Israeli diplomat & politician
Beliefs Communication Opinion

If we were truly created by God, then why do we still occasionally bite the insides of our own mouths?

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter
Beliefs God Self

He is a modest little man who has a good deal to be modest about.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Characteristics Insults Opinion

When a man tells me he’s going to put all his cards on the table, I always look up his sleeve.

(1893 – 1957) British politician
Beliefs Honesty Situations

Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Honesty Money

Nature will tell you a direct lie if she can.

Lies Murphy’s Laws

Facts without theory are trivia. Theory without facts is bullshit.

Beliefs Facts Murphy’s Laws

A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Children Family Parents Religion

Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned.

(1932 – 2017) comedian, social activist, critic & writer
Anger Beliefs Characteristics

God, whom you doubtless remember as that quaint old subordinate of General Douglas MacArthur…

(1904 – 1979) Jewish-American humorist, author & screenwriter
Insults Opinion

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Education

Anyone who says the truth shall set you free has never been to traffic court.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Characteristics Truth

Reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs Religion

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Golf Honesty Lies Sports

Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Beliefs People World

I never cease being dumbfounded by the unbelievable things people believe.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Beliefs People

Nobody outside of a baby carriage or a judge’s chamber believes in an unprejudiced point of view.

(1905 –1984) American playwright
Beliefs Opinion