Subject: Beliefs

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Beliefs Opinion

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

Characteristics God Life

I have derived continued benefit from criticism at all periods of my life and I do not remember any time when I was ever short of it.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Beliefs

 Statistics always remind me of the fellow who drowned in a river where the average depth was only three feet.

college football coach
Facts Intelligence Sports

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Facts Language Science/Weather

I have a bit of advice for hungry young comedians – eat something.

(1921 – 1984) British comedian & magician
Beliefs Opinion

There hasn’t been a more effeminate Jew in the closet since Anne Frank.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Beliefs Religion

GOD Talks 2 U? There Is Medication For That.

Beliefs God

The trouble with giving advice is that people want to repay you.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Beliefs

Howard Hughes was able to afford the luxury of madness, like a man who not only thinks he is Napoleon but hires an army to prove it.

(1932 – ) French-American writer, biographer, journalist & historian
Beliefs Insults Opinion

When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong – or absolutely right.

(1863 – 1923) French playwright
Beliefs Conflict Opinion People

Generally the theories we believe we call facts, and the facts we disbelieve we call theories.

(1907 – 1953) American lawyer & scholar
Beliefs Facts

It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy or his foreign policy, it's that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Beliefs Government Opinion Politics President

Thou shalt not commit adultery; now, you know no guy would have ever dreamed that one up.

American comedian & writer
Beliefs People

Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Facts Science/Weather

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Past Situations Truth

Carlyle said, “A lie cannot live;” it shows he did not know how to tell them.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Communication Language Lies

I worship the quicksand he walks in.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Beliefs Insults Language Opinion

You do not need to put an Obama sticker on a Prius… we get it.


Autos Beliefs Things

There are only two ways of telling the complete truth – anonymously and posthumously.

(1930 – ) economist, social commentator & author
Characteristics Honesty Truth

The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Characteristics Honesty Intelligence Truth