Subject: Beliefs

In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that He did not also limit his stupidity.

(1876 – 1967) German statesman
Beliefs God Intelligence Stupidity

Ever notice how people who believe in creationism look really unevolved?

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Appearance Beliefs Religion

MSI Owner Denies Lying, Admits Not Telling Truth

Headlines Lies

I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli.

(1961 – ) Canadian–American actor, voice actor, author, producer & activist
Beliefs Marriage Religion Situations

God enters into each individual by a private door… and sometimes that can prove to be quite painful.

(1933 – ) American disc jockey & television host
Beliefs God

There hasn’t been a more effeminate Jew in the closet since Anne Frank.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Beliefs Religion

At first a golfer excuses a dismal performance by claiming bad lies; with experience, he covers up with better ones.

Beliefs Golf Honesty Lies Sports

One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Facts Situations

Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Reagan couldn't tell the difference.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Characteristics Honesty Insults Lies

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.

Beliefs Money People

Politeness is half good manners and half good lying.

(1880 – ?) American author
Characteristics Lies

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child; just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

(1932 – 2009) author, poet & critic
Golf Honesty Insults Intelligence Sports

I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Characteristics Opinion

The greatest American superstition is belief in facts.

(1880 – 1946) Baltic German philosopher
America Beliefs Facts Places

It’s great that we’ve got a compassionate conservative, but to me, that sounds like a Volvo with a gun rack.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Beliefs Government People

I don't want someone shoving his views down my throat, unless they're covered in a crunchy candy shell.

(1964 – ) comedian, political satirist, writer & television host
Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

You know what, evolution is a myth; why aren't monkeys still evolving into humans?

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)
Animals Beliefs

God may choose to heal someone from cancer, yet that person still has a great deal of medical bills; the outstanding bills do not determine whether or not the patient has been healed by God.

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)
Beliefs God Health Misspokements

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Characteristics Communication Language Truth

Statistics are no substitute for common sense.

Beliefs Facts