Subject: Education

Dad taught me everything I know; unfortunately, he didn’t teach me everything he knows.

(1962 – ) American race car driver
Education Family Fathers Learning

Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public; they can learn in private; in public they have to know.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Learning Men People

The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want.

Education Murphy’s Laws School

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Education Law Money School

If written directions alone would suffice, libraries wouldn't need to have the rest of the universities attached.

(1938 – ) journalist, columnist (Miss Manners)
Education School

Describing her first day back in grade school after a long absence, a teacher said, it was like trying to hold 35 corks under water at the same time.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education School

Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Education Misspokements Occupations

Genitals are a great distraction to scholarship.

(1932 – 2000) English author & academic
Education Learning Sex

In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown; the difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director
Education School Self

You can learn many things from children… how much patience you have for instance.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Children Education Family Learning

Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.

(1948 – ) American cartoonist (Doonesbury)
Communication School Speech

A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. – unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.

(1928 – ) American R&B and rock & roll singer-songwriter
Education Occupations School Work

She was old too, when she went to school they didn’t have history.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Education History Old School Time

director I spent four years in college but I didn’t learn a thing; i was really my own fault… I had a double major in psychology and reverse psychology.

(1979 – ) American actor, writer, comedian & director
Communication Education Wordplay

Being dead is one way to experience nothing, another is to attend some classes at my school.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Death Education School

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Education Sex Young

If we really learned from our past mistakes, most of us would never get out of bed in the morning.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Education History Learning Mistakes

My recipe for bad grades: don't study.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor
Education School

A single conversation with a wise man is better than ten years of study.

Education Learning Proverbs

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

Communication Education Learning Speech

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Education