Subject: Education

Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Education Misspokements Occupations

College was like a four-year game show called “Do My Friends Hate Me or Do I Just Need to Go to Sleep?”

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Education School

I failed math so many times in school, I can’t even count.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Education School

A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Children Family Learning

Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education Learning

Men are like textbooks: you have to spend a lot of time between the covers to gain a small amount of satisfaction.

Books Education Men People Reading/Writing

I am not young enough to know everything.

(1860 – 1937) Scottish author, dramatist (creator of Peter Pan)
Age Education Intelligence Young

In your toughest final – for the first time all year – the most distractingly attractive student in the class will sit next to you.

Education Murphy’s Laws School

Our school color was manila.

comedian
Education School

I have never been jealous; not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Characteristics Education Fathers School

[Caddyshack] was a six-million-dollar scholarship to film school.

(1944 – 2014) American actor, director & writer
Education Entertainment Film

If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

Education Murphy’s Laws School

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics Education

My recipe for bad grades: don't study.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor
Education School

I was the only black in every class; hard to be absent.

(1969 – ) American comedian & actor
Education

College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

(1974 – ) American comedian
Education School

The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another.

(1888 – 1964) American folklorist, writer & newspaper columnist
Education Ideas Intelligence School

I took a physics course that was so hard I couldn't find the classroom.

comedian
Education School Science/Weather

Fleas can be taught nearly anything a congressman can.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education Learning Politicians

Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex.

(1818 – 1883) German philosopher, economist, sociologist & socialist
Education Intelligence Sex

A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Education Occupations Sleep