Subject: Places

What a pity it is that we have no amusements in England but vice and religion.

(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman
England Places

Americans are like the straight, white man of cultures.

(1978 – ) Australian comedian, writer & actress
America People Places

In every country, they make fun of city; in U.S. you make fun of Cleveland; in Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
Places

You might be a redneck if… the biggest city you have ever been to is Wal-Mart.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Places Rednecks

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Children People Places

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show; when you're born in America, you get a front row seat.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
America Places

New York is the only place where if you have talent, and you believe in yourself, and you show people what you can do then some day, maybe – just maybe – you could get shoved in front of a moving subway train.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
New York City Places

It's the only place in the world where you walk in and the first thing you do is steal everything before you take your coat off.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Crime Places

I just flew in from New York City, and boy is my middle finger tired.

comedian
New York City Places

Even the police have an unlisted number.

(1908 – 1996) actor & comedian
Government Hollywood Law Things

Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers and cheating on your income tax.

(1932 – 1997) newspaper columnist
America Baseball Places Sports

To me the outdoors is what you must pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxicab.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Places

The suburbs are like the bleacher seats of life.

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
America Places

Englishwomen's shoes look as if they had been made by someone who had often heard shoes described, but had never seen any.

(1910 – 1997) American writer
Appearance Clothing England Insults Places

Do you know how short you have to be to have a Napoleon complex in North Korea?

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Body Places

I think it’s pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.

Appearance Body Places

Look at a sweater made in Ireland… it’s like a turtleneck made out o Brillo pads. – On Irish people not wanting comfort

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
People Places

According to modern astronomers, space is finite; this is a very comforting thought – particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Places Science/Weather

There is a theory that sooner or later anything in America that is any fun at all will be ruined by people from California.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Places

It was once said truly that the greatest American superstition was belief in facts.

(1901 – 1970) American journalist & author
America Beliefs Facts

Socialite: Whatever possessed you to be born in a place like Lowell, Massachusetts?

Whistler: I wished to be near my mother.

(1834 – 1903) American-born, British-based artist
Family Mothers Places