Subject: Places

Niagara Falls: The bride’s second great disappointment.

Definitions Places Sex

I just got back from the Middle East, where I performed for 15,000 men – and then I did my comedy.


Entertainment Places Sex

In an underdeveloped country, don't drink the water; in a developed country, don't breathe the air.

(1942 – ) British travel writer & novelist
Murphy’s Laws Places

The greatest American superstition is belief in facts.

(1880 – 1946) Baltic German philosopher
America Beliefs Facts Places

Space is almost infinite; as a matter of fact, we think it is infinite.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Misspokements Places Science/Weather

They christened their game ‘golf’ because they were Scottish and reveled in meaningless Celtic noises in the back of the throat.

(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director
Golf Places Sports

Drugs have taught an entire generation of Americans the metric system.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Activities America Drugs Education People

I came from a real tough neighborhood; every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Places

The only good thing about playing for Cleveland is you don't have to make road trips there.

American baseball player
Baseball Places Sports

Of course they have, otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here talking to someone like you.

(1901 – 2000) English author
Characteristics England People

Mason-Dixon Line: A geographical division between “you all” and “youse guys.”

Definitions Places

Last night, it was so cold, the flashers in New York were only describing themselves.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Cold New York City Places Science/Weather Situations

An optimist in Canada is someone who thinks things could be worse.

(1942 – ) Canadian politician
Canada People Places

The best that can be said for Norwegian television is that it gives you the sensation of a coma without the worry and inconvenience

American author
Places Television

The all-night drugstore closed at noon.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Places

Given the unlikely options of attending a funeral or a sex orgy, a true Irishman will always opt for the funeral.

(1928 – 2002) Irish playwright, novelist & essayist
People Places

President Bush wants to spend $7 billion this year to fight the drug dealers in Colombia… but they only earn $3 billion a year; so why don't we pay them $4 billion a year not to grow the cocaine?

American comedian & writer
Drugs Money Places

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Intelligence Places Science/Weather Stupidity

I am certain there is too much certainty in the world.

(1942 – 2008) American author, producer, director & screenwriter
Places World

There is no question that there is an unseen world; the problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Places