Subject: Places

A Canadian is someone who knows how to make love in a canoe.

(1920 – 2004) Canadian author, television personality & journalist
People Places Sex Things

North Miami is one of those exits off I-95 where you say, 'Damn it, I don't need gas that bad.'

comedian
Places Situations

In this country you’re guilty until proven wealthy.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
America Government Law Money Wealth

In Montana, a policeman will pull you over because he’s lonely.

(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician
Places

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Places Situations

When it’s three o’clock in New York, it’s still 1938 in London.

(1945 – ) singer, actress & comedian
England Places Time

I know the world isn’t fair, but why isn’t it ever unfair in my favor?

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Characteristics Life World

I bet The Walking Deadgets really low ratings out in Montana, just because all they need to do is look out their f••king window, am I right?

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian
Places

I sometimes think that the saving grace of America lies in the fact that the overwhelming majority of Americans are possessed of two great qualities – a sense of humor and a sense of proportion.

(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president
America Places

All great change in America begins at the dinner table.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
America Places

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Communication England People Places Speech

The people of this country have allowed football to get completely out of hand, and that’s fortunate for my bank account.

(1918 – 1995) American sports journalist & television commentator
America Football Places Sports

They christened their game ‘golf’ because they were Scottish and reveled in meaningless Celtic noises in the back of the throat.

(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director
Golf Places Sports

We’re going to have the best-educated American people in the world.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
America Education Intelligence Misspokements Places World

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Family People Places

Welcome to Hell… here's your accordion.

(1950 – ) American cartoonist The Far Side
Places

According to modern astronomers, space is finite; this is a very comforting thought – particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Places Science/Weather

Las Vegas is the oasis of outstretched palms.

English boxing journalist & commentator
Money Places Sports

I went to Moscow once; it was so cold at night one guy fell out of bed and broke his pajamas.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Cold Places Science/Weather

I like my buddies from west Texas; I liked them when I was young; I liked them then I was middle – age; I liked them before I was president; and I like them during president, and I like them after president.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Age Friends People Places President

Drugs have taught an entire generation of Americans the metric system.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Activities America Drugs Education People