Subject: Places

It'll be a great place if they ever finish it.

William Sydney Porter (1862 – 1910) American writer
New York City Places

I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Activities Places Things Travel

The waiters in France could all be senators in the U.S.

(1974 – ) American comedian
Government Places

Switzerland is simply a large humpy, solid rock, with a thin skin of grass stretched over it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Places

The greatest American superstition is belief in facts.

(1880 – 1946) Baltic German philosopher
America Beliefs Facts Places

Graceland is so tacky, Puerto Rican people walk out of there going, 'That's some tacky stuff there, man.'

American comedian & author
Characteristics Places

I don't want to say he's in bed with this administration, but they did find Dick Cheney's Rolex lodged in his colon.

(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger
Government Places

London: A place you go to get bronchitis.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Definitions Health Places

I'd like to see Paris before I die… Philadelphia will do.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Places TV/Movie Quotes

Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Hollywood Places

Sign over the gates of hell: “24-Hour Delivery.”

American writer
Places

You have to know a man awfully well in Canada to know his surname.

(1875 – 1940) Scottish novelist, historian & Governor General of Canada
Canada People Places

New York is not Mecca… it just smells like it.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Characteristics New York City Places

Police: Bank Robber Had Shopping Addiction

Headlines New York City Places

Camp: A place in the country where a mother sends her children for her vacation.

Definitions Places

Stand on two phone books almost anywhere in Iowa and you get a view.

American author
Places

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above… so I never have to go upstairs.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Places

My house is on the median strip of a highway; you don't really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Places

Apartment Depot… is just a big warehouse with a whole lot of people standing around saying, "We don't have to fix shit.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Places

The average tourist wants to go to places where there are no tourists.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
People Places Travel

Un-American: Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
America Characteristics Definitions Places