Subject: Conflict

At the end of the Peterson trial, my daughter turns to me and she goes, 'Daddy, are you going to kill Mommy?'… 'Oh, honey – that's up to Mommy, isn't it?'

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Conflict Killing Marriage Wives

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Conflict Crime Places

Interviewer: Can you imagine yourself killing another human.

Sedaris: Not a stranger.

(1956 – ) American humorist, comedian & author
Conflict Killing

Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws

Never raise your hand to your children it leaves your midsection unprotected.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Children Conflict People

There are some circles in America where it seems to be more socially acceptable to carry a handgun than a packet of cigarettes.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
America Arms Situations Things

Marriage, in life, is like a duel in the midst of a battle.

(1828 – 1885) French novelist, publicist & journalist
Conflict Life Marriage

Criminal: A person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.

(1890 – 1970) American engineer
Conflict Crime

When I got through with him, he was all covered wit' blood… my blood.

(1893 – 1980) American singer, pianist, comedian & actor
Conflict Fights Self

[After a fight] Yeah, I’m fine. I snapped my chin down onto some guy’s fist and hit another one in the knee with my nose.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Conflict Fights TV/Movie Quotes

The United States has developed a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing; it's called the stock market.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Arms Conflict Money

It’s better to be tried by twelve men than to be carried by six.

Conflict Crime Death Government Law Murphy’s Laws

[My husband] and I are always fighting; when we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Conflict Marriage Problems

A gun is not a weapon, it's a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Arms TV/Movie Quotes

Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Crime Definitions

Do you ever go into a store and you happen to be carrying something that they sell in that store and then start to get all paranoid that they're going to think that you stole it? … That happened to me recently at the gun store.

(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & writer
Arms Conflict Situations

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.


Conflict Intelligence Killing People Stupidity

Pacifist: A fellow who could attend a peace conference without getting into a fight.

Conflict Definitions Fights People

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.

(c. 620 – 564 BC) Greek slave and author of over 600 fables
Conflict Government Politicians

You can build a throne with bayonets, but it’s difficult to sit on it.


Conflict War

Riot: A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Conflict Definitions