Subject: Conflict

The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

Military Murphy’s Laws War

Have you heard about the woman who stabbed her husband thirty-seven times? … I admire her restraint.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Conflict Marriage Wives

Shoplifting: Free enterprise.

Conflict Crime Definitions

Murder is a crime – describing murder is not; sex is not a crime – describing sex is.

(1917 – 1999) American sexologist
Communication Conflict Crime Language Reading/Writing

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Arms Sports

Prisoner serving 2,000-year sentence could face more time

Crime Headlines

Trying to give my kids an education in Los Angeles is a nightmare with the guns, the gangs, the drugs – and I'm home schooling them.

American comedian & writer
Conflict Drugs Education Places

I know we were buddies because he threatened to kill me on no fewer than three occasions, and he did that only to his friends.

(1935) British film director, producer & food critic
Conflict Friends People Young

I got a cousin who's a psychotic with low self-esteem; he only wants to assassinate the vice president.

television writer, producer & director
Characteristics Conflict Health Killing

I have given two cousins to war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife’s brother.

Charles Farrar Browne (1834 – 1867) humorist
Conflict Family War

L.A. is very dangerous; I carry a gun in my car, that way, in case the police stop me, I can fend them off until the press gets there.

American actor & writer
Arms Conflict Places

Never worry about the bullet with your name on it; instead, worry about shrapnel addressed to 'occupant.’

Conflict Government Military Murphy’s Laws War

Tracers work BOTH ways.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws

Would it be ironic if we had to go back to Iraq to rid it of the Al Quaeda that wasn’t there before we got there to rid it of Al Queda?

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Conflict War

When your back is against the wall, there is only one thing to do, and that is turn around and fight.

(1943 – ) British prime minister & politician
Conflict Fights Misspokements

Pacifist: A fellow who could attend a peace conference without getting into a fight.

Conflict Definitions Fights People

Crime does not pay… as well as politics.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Conflict Crime Government Politics

The time not to become a father is eighteen years before a war.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
Family Fathers Time War

I haven’t heard the president state that we’re at war… that’s why I too am not knowing… do we use the term intervention?… do we use war?… do we use squirmish?… what is it?

(1964 – ) U.S. governor (Alaska) commentator & author
Conflict Misspokements

I’m not worried about the Third World War… that’s the Third World’s problem.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Conflict War Wordplay

Men love war because it allows them to look serious… it is the one thing that stops women laughing at them.

(1926 – 2005) English novelist & essayist
Conflict Emotions Laughter Men People War Women