Subject: Conflict

The time not to become a father is eighteen years before a war.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
Family Fathers Time War

Any ship can be a minesweeper… once.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws War

During the feminist seventies men were caught between a rock and a hard-on; in the fathering eighties they are caught between good hugs and bad hugs.

(1936 – ) novelist, essayist & columnist
Conflict Men Past Women

Madonna said that we should pull all of our troops out of Iraq; Donald Rumsfeld said, "No, I think we'd better wait and hear what Britney Spears has to say about it first.”

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Conflict War

An infallible method of conciliating a tiger is to allow oneself to be devoured.

(1876 – 1967) German statesman
Conflict

All five-second grenade fuses will burn down in three seconds.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws

Most people assume the fights are going to be the left versus the right, but it always is the reasonable versus the jerks.

(1966 – ) entrepreneur, founder of Wikipedia
Beliefs Conflict Fights

If it is worth fighting for, it is worth fighting dirty for.

Conflict Fights Murphy’s Laws

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

Murphy’s Laws War

It's negative to think about blowing each other up.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Conflict War

Wallowing in corruption like a rhinoceros in an African pool.

(1831 – 1902) journalist & newspaper editor
Crime Insults

I haven't committed a crime; what I did was fail to comply with the law.

(1927 – ) American mayor (New York City)
Crime Misspokements

It's the only place in the world where you walk in and the first thing you do is steal everything before you take your coat off.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Crime Places

When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong – or absolutely right.

(1863 – 1923) French playwright
Beliefs Conflict Opinion People

I do have some sad news to report: Bjork could not be here; she was trying on her Oscars dress and Dick Cheney shot her.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Conflict

Pickpocket: A man who believes that every crowd has a silver lining.

Crime Definitions

Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography.

(1955 – ) Mexican-American comedian & actor
Conflict War

He was young – He was fair – But the Injuns – Raised his hair

Conflict Epitaphs Hair Young

What’s a Jewish mobster?… ‘I’m going to break the legs of your therapist.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Conflict People

Interviewer: Can you imagine yourself killing another human.

Sedaris: Not a stranger.

(1956 – ) American humorist, comedian & author
Conflict Killing

Capital Punishment: Killing people who kill people to prove that killing people is wrong.

Crime Death Definitions Killing