Subject: Communication

If you can’t explain what you’re doing in simple English, you are probably doing something wrong.

Communication Intelligence Language Murphy’s Laws

I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty.

(1921 – ) former First Lady of the United States & actress
Communication Misspokements Speech

Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal.

(1888 – 1965) British (US-born) critic, dramatist & poet
Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

She's generous to a fault… if it's her own.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Characteristics Communication

Life is fraught with opportunities to keep your mouth shut.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Communication Speech

Interesting: A word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

Communication Definitions Speech

Why is it, when a door is open it’s ajar, but when a jar is open, it’s not a door?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Wordplay

When a person says that, in the interest of saving time, he will summarize his prepared statement, he will talk only three times as long as if he had read the statement in the first place.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Speech Time

Freudian Slip: Foot-in-mouth disease.

Communication Definitions

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

Communication Fools Intelligence Proverbs Speech

Why's God always got such wacky shit to say?… when's the last time you heard somebody say, 'God told me to get a muffin and a cup of tea and cool out, man.'

American comedian & actor
Beliefs Communication God Speech

Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95/minute?

Communication Men Speech Women

A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Intelligence Reading/Writing

Pediatrician: Man of little patients.

Definitions Doctors Health Wordplay

I haven't spoken to my wife in years; I didn't want to interrupt her.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Marriage Speech Wives

Matrimony: The splice of life.

Definitions Marriage Wordplay

A lot of people think kids say the darnedest things, but so would you if you had no education.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Children Education Family Intelligence Speech

Man invented language to satisfy his inner need to complain.

(1935 – ) screenwriter, author, director & producer
Characteristics Communication Ideas Language

Rattlesnake: Tattle tail.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

You're an old-timer if you can remember when setting the world on fire was a figure of speech.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Age Communication Language Old Speech World

Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Communication Democracy Language Speech