Subject: Government

Don’t draw fire, it irritates the people around you.

Military Murphy’s Laws

All battles are fought at the junction of two or more map sheets… printed at different scales.

Military Murphy’s Laws

Don’t look conspicuous – in the combat, it draws fire; out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.

Military Murphy’s Laws

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Education Law Money School

Taxpayer: A person who has the government on his payroll.

Definitions Government Taxes

It ain’t no sin if you crack a few laws now and then, just so long as you don’t break any.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Government Law

Even the police have an unlisted number.

(1908 – 1996) actor & comedian
Government Hollywood Law Things

The worst part about politics is that you're always right and no one ever knows it

Government Politics

Any ship can be a minesweeper… once.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws War

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Government Politicians

Often times people ask me, 'Why is it that you're so focused on helping the hungry and diseased in strange parts of the world?'

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Government President

I wanted to join the Army… the sign said 'Be All That You Can Be'… they told me it wasn't enough.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Government Military

Democracy is the counting of heads, regardless of the contents.

Democracy Elections/Voting Government

Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, they’ve seen me laugh, and they’ve seen me hug – the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Elections/Voting Emotions Government

Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.

Military Murphy’s Laws

Now we are trying to get unemployment to go up, and I think we're going to succeed.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Government Work

Presidents don’t do it to their wives; they do it to their country.

(1926 – ) film director, screenwriter, composer, comedian, actor & producer
Activities Government President Sex Wives

Do you realize we’re only a heart attack away from Bush being president?

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Death Government President

The President of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Government President Time

If you maintain a consistent political position long enough, you'll eventually be accused of treason.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Government Politics

I like my buddies from west Texas; I liked them when I was young; I liked them then I was middle – age; I liked them before I was president; and I like them during president, and I like them after president.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Age Friends People Places President