Subject: Government

I am neither left wing nor right wing; I am middle-of-the-bird.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Government Politics

I don't care if she doesn't know how to cook – so long as she doesn't know a good lawyer.

(1909 – 1959) Australian-born American actor
Lawyers Marriage

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that’s why we have two parties.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Politics

Get the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Elections/Voting Fools Intelligence Politics

An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.

(1867 – 1936) author & humorist
Government Law

Statistics have proven that the surest way to get anything out of the public mind and never hear of it again is to have a Senate Committee appointed to look into it.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Congress Government

Look, we play the Star Spangled Banner before every game; you want us to pay income taxes, too?

(1914 – 1986) American baseball team owner & promoter
Government Taxes

Practical prayer is harder on the soles of your shoes than on the knees of your trousers.

(1858 – 1932) American physicist, physician & humorist
Government Politicians

All battles are fought at the junction of two or more map sheets… printed at different scales.

Military Murphy’s Laws

I never vote for anyone; I always vote against.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Elections/Voting Government

I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Government Insults Law Lawyers Money

[Charles Dickens] was the bravest man who ever lived; he fathered ten children before they became tax deductions.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children Family Money Taxes

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for and politicians find out what people will fall for.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

It was announced Thursday that the Army will allow recruits to sign up for just 15 months of active duty; if that doesn’t work, the military will try renaming Iraq ‘Super Cancun.’

(1971 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
Government Military TV/Movie Quotes

Military Expert: One who tells you what’s going to happen tomorrow – then tells you why it didn’t.

Definitions Government Military

A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment.

Beliefs Government

In America any boy may become President and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
America People President Success

If Congress must do a painful thing, the thing must be done in an odd-number year.

Congress Government Murphy’s Laws Time

Bureaucracy is based on a willingness to either pass the buck or spend it.

Government

A fool and his money are soon elected.

Elections/Voting Fools Intelligence Murphy’s Laws

Virginia has already spent more on plugging Shawn Moore for the Heisman Trophy than Thomas Jefferson spent getting elected president.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Activities Football Government Money Sports