Subject: Government

A sure sign of bureaucracy is when the first person who answers the phone can’t help you.

Government

I don't make jokes… I just watch the government and report the facts.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Entertainment Government

Hey folks, I’ll admit it — I didn’t vote; I didn’t like any of those bastards enough to risk jury duty.

comedian
Elections/Voting Government Law

Many of these guys on death row have done heinous things, but when we as a people sink to their level and execute them, then we’re no better than Republicans.

American comedian & writer
Death Government Politicians

The more qualified candidates who are available, the more likely the compromise will be on the candidate whose main qualification is a non-threatening incompetence.

Elections/Voting Government Murphy’s Laws

No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.

Military Murphy’s Laws

The wind doesn't bother me… I'm in the U.S. Senate.

(1923 – ) U.S. senator (Kansas) & presidential candidate
Communication Government Politicians Speech

Did you ever notice that when a politician does get an idea he usually gets it all wrong.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Government Ideas Intelligence Politicians

[Nixon staffer H.R.] Haldeman is the only man in America in this generation who let his hair grow for a courtroom appearance.

(1918 – 2004) journalist & columnist
Government

A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
Conflict Government Places

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

Government Politics

Russian Communism is the illegitimate child of Karl Marx and Catherine the Great.

(1883 – 1967) British prime minister & politician
Government Places

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems, back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Situations Taxes

Another such victory, and we are undone.

(318 – 272 BC) Greek general & statesman
Government Military

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Government Honesty Politicians

Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or buying a commercial.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Government Law Lawyers Money Time

You can't get rich in politics unless you are a crook.


Government Money Politics Wealth

History buffs probably noted the reunion at a Washington party a few weeks ago of three ex-presidents: Carter, Ford, and Nixon – See No Evil, Hear No Evil, and Evil.

(1923 – ) U.S. senator (Kansas) & presidential candidate
Government Insults Politicians

There ought to be one day – just one – when there is open season on senators.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Government Politicians

Often times people ask me, 'Why is it that you're so focused on helping the hungry and diseased in strange parts of the world?'

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Government President

A conservative is someone who believes in reform… but not now.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Government Politics