Subject: Government

No One Likes Paying Taxes – What Makes You So Special?

Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax.

(1860 – 1917) Scottish politician & judge

If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.

The difference between Democrats and Republicans?… Democrats remind us that life is unfair, and Republicans make sure it is.

American comedian & writer

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don’t know anything and can’t read.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects.

(1897 – 1972) Canadian prime minister

Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least.

(1972 – ) Irish stand-up comedian, voice over artist & actor

If you want to get along, go along.

(1882 – 1961) politician

It’s so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Surprise is an event that takes place only in the mind of a commander.

Perhaps we could have a translation, I could not quite follow.

(1894 – 1986) British prime minister

Candidate: A person who asks for money from the wealthy and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.

In Russia a man is called reactionary if he objects to having his property stolen and his wife and children murdered.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

A man with both feet planted firmly in the air.

(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president

They always throw around this term ‘the liberal elite,’ and I kept thinking to myself about the Christian right; what’s more elite than believing that only you will go to heaven?

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

Income Tax: The entry fee for the rat race.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

(1918 – 2007) American humor writer

Convicted criminal: As God is my judge – I am innocent.

Birkett: He isn’t; I am, and you’re not!

(1883 – 1962) British barrister, judge, politician & preacher

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it’s just sort of a tired feeling.

(1959 – ) American comedian

A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that’s lost – he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.

(1818 – 1885) humorist