Subject: Government

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal," "Thou shalt not commit adultery," and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Government Lawyers Politicians Situations

Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Government Politicians Work

There is more law in the end of a policeman’s nightstick than in a decision of the Supreme Court.

Government Law Murphy’s Laws

Politics is not a bad profession; if you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Government Politics

It gave dirty politics a bad name.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Politics

When there’s a single thief, it's robbery; when there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.

Crime Government Taxes

Tracers work BOTH ways.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws

It’s like carrying frogs in a wheelbarrow.

(1946 – ) British politician
Government Politics

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Congress Government Intelligence Wisdom

If you are short of everything except enemy, you are in combat.

Conflict Military Murphy’s Laws War

Tariff: A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Taxes

The waiters in France could all be senators in the U.S.

(1974 – ) American comedian
Government Places

How come we choose from just two people for president, and fifty for Miss America?

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Government

Lawyer: A fellow who is willing to go out and spend your last cent to prove he’s right.

Definitions Lawyers

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Definitions Science/Weather Taxes

If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Government Politicians

The only difference between Bush and Hitler is that Hitler was elected.

(1922 – 2007) American novelist
Elections/Voting Government

We started off trying to set up a small anarchist community, but people wouldn't obey the rules.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright
Conflict Government People

The Senate seems like the place where smart people go to die.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Death Government Politicians

A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants.

(1877 – 1956) U.S. vice president & politician
Government Politicians

Democracy means government by discussion but it is only effective if you can stop people talking.

(1883 – 1967) British prime minister & politician
Communication Democracy Government Speech