Subject: Health

My uncle died of Lou Sterrett's disease.

Health Malaprops

Somebody once said that laughter is the best medicine, and that was clearly written by a man that never tried Vicodin.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author
Activities Drugs Emotions Health Laughter

Toothaches tend to start on Saturday night.

Health Murphy’s Laws

A neurosis is a secret you don’t know you’re keeping.

(1927 – 1980) English theatre critic & writer
Health

In her elastic stockings, next to her very close veins.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

What this world needs is a damned good plague.

Health Murphy’s Laws Places World

Only adults have difficulty with child-proof bottles.

Health Murphy’s Laws People

He died of cirrhosis of the liver… it costs money to die of cirrhosis of the liver.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Death Health Money

Serkin was so sick he almost died for three days.

(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist
Death Health Misspokements

My body is dropping so fast, my gynecologist wears a hard hat.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Body Doctors Old

He (Gaylord Perry) should be in the Hall of Fame with a tube of KY jelly attached to his plaque.

(1925 – 2005) American baseball player & manager
Baseball Health Sports

“Herbal medicine’s been around for thousands of years!” … and then we tested it all, and the stuff that worked became ‘medicine’… and the rest of it is just a nice bowl of soup and some potpourri.

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter
Health

I thought AAA was an organization for people who are really bad alcoholics.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Health

The less we know about a disease, the more medicines are available to treat it.

Health Murphy’s Laws

You might be a redneck if… you have used a bar stool as a walker.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Health People

The more boring and out-of-date the magazines in the waiting room, the longer you will have to wait for your scheduled appointment.

Health Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing Time

It never heals correctly.

Health Murphy’s Laws

Psychiatrists: People with the same problems as anyone else, but with an accent.

Definitions Doctors Health

My friends and I played a new version of Russian roulette; we passed around six girls and one of them had VD.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Girls Health Old Women

Pediatrician: Man of little patients.

Definitions Doctors Health Wordplay

As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Age Health Young