Subject: Money

It was all the wolf could do to keep us away from his door.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Animals Money Poverty

Invest in inflation… it’s the only thing going up.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Money

When I was young I used to think that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old, I know it is.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Age Life Money Young

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial costs and blamed it on the high cost of living.

Money

Bank: An institution that will gladly lend you money provided you can prove you don’t need it.

Definitions Money

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was so poor I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Food/Drink Money Poverty Young

Only in our dreams are we free; the rest of the time we need wages.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Life Money

People will swim through shit if you put a few bob in it.

(1925 – 1980) British comedian & actor
Money

Rich people bring a lawyer; Latinos and blacks bring their moms.

(1976 – ) comedian
Lawyers Money Mothers People

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

(1934 – ) comedian
Money Poverty

Scientists who dislike the restraints of highly organized research like to remark that a truly great research worker needs only three pieces of equipment – a pencil, a piece of paper, and a brain… but they quote this maxim more often at academic banquets than at budget hearings.

Money Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

Money – the one thing that keeps us in touch with our children.

(1948 – ) English writer, broadcaster, actor & politician
Children Family Money

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

Money Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Things

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Money Work

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

(1936 – ) television talk show host
Entertainment Money People Television

When I was born I owed twelve dollars.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Money Poverty Self

A homeless guy asked me for 2 pounds, so I gave him 1.67 because that’s what a woman would get paid for doing the same job.

British comedian
Men Money People Women Work

Baseball owners have moral scruples against taking any man’s dollar when there is a chance to take a dollar and a quarter.

(1905–1982) American sportswriter
Baseball Money Sports

The most efficient labor-saving device is still money.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Money

People are still willing to do an honest day's work; the trouble is they want a week's pay for it.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Money Time Work

Only have a nervous breakdown if you’ve got loads of money, and then you can really enjoy it.

(1955 – ) English composer, singer, songwriter & producer
Health Money Situations