Subject: Sports

Come on Sandy, baby, loosen up, you’re too tight.

American football player
Football Sports

Some people say I play erratic golf. What they mean is I frequently play lousy.

American professional golfer
Golf Sports

Giving Magic the basketball is like giving Hitler an army, Jesse James a gang, or Genghis Khan a horse.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Basketball Sports

I used to be addicted to swimming but I’m very proud to say I’ve been dry for six years.

English police officer, writer, stand-up comedian & radio performer
Activities Sports

I’m not fat.

(1950 – ) American boxer & actor
Boxing Sports

The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball Yogi-isms

If you know how to cheat, start now

(1930 – 2013) American baseball manager
Baseball Sports

I'd have a better chance of catching flies with chopsticks.

baseball player
Baseball Sports

Here's a six-foot-ten guy in sneakers and the lady's asking me, 'Profession?'


Basketball Occupations Sports Work

Sean Avery is liked about as much as a rattlesnake at a picnic.

Hockey Sports

The main difference between playing League and Union is that now I get my hangovers on Monday instead of Sunday.

Alcohol Food/Drink Sports

It looks like he has a divot over each ear.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

Anyone who studied McCall's contribution to the fight would not have been surprised that he failed to hit a sample tube with the required amount afterwards. Bruno, of course, had no such trouble. He is well used to having the piss taken out of him by his fellow countrymen.

sportswriter
Boxing Sports

I used to play sports; then I realized you can buy trophies.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Sports

It’s got lots of installation.

professional baseball player
Baseball Misspokements Sports

The hitter asks the owner to give him a big raise so he can go somewhere he's never been, and the owner says "You mean third base?"

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Baseball Sports

I knew I was in trouble when I heard snap, crackle, and pop, and I wasn't having a bowl of cereal.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports

They will pass the father-son tandem of Buddy Bell and Yogi Berra.

(1922 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements

Give Chris a finger like I did and she’ll take the whole hand.

German professional tennis player
Sports

I'm always into a positive black image. Whenever Leon Spinks fights I always pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't let them interview Leon on TV.'

American television personality
Boxing People Sports

You might be a redneck if… you think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Sex Sports