Subject: Things

Interchangeable devices won't.

Murphy’s Laws Things

A cigarette placed in an ashtray will go out if you stay in the room; if you leave the room, the cigarette will topple to the table, burn through, and drop to the floor, where it will smolder until it descends to ignite the drapes in the room below.

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother – you’re not sure what you’ve got but you’re pretty sure you’re not going to like it.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Family Relationships Things

Any product cut to length will be too short.

Murphy’s Laws Things

The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Things

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.


Activities Things

No shoelace ever broke being untied.

Murphy’s Laws Things

The days of the digital watch are numbered.

(1937 – ) British playwright & screenwriter
Things Time

Never buy a car that has a wick.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

I got binoculars ’cause I don’t want to go that close.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Things

Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.

(1970 – ) American comedian & television game show host
Occupations Things Work

A million monkeys were given a million typewriters… it’s called the Internet.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Communication Things

Futon World – a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Shopping Situations Things Time

Mommy, Why is There a Server in the House?

Book Titles Computers Things

I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don’t have to hold things when I sleep.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Clothing Situations Sleep Things

A component’s degree of reliability is directly proportional to its ease of accessibility (i.e., the harder it is to get to, the more often it breaks down).

Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

You can't have everything; where would you put it?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Things

I took my headlights out and put strobe lights in; now when I drive at night it looks like I am the only one that is moving.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Things

Why are there an interstate highway in Hawaii?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Things

Traffic Light: A little green light that changes to red as your car approaches.

Autos Definitions Things