Subject: Things

You might be a redneck if… your home has more miles on it than your car.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Rednecks

I spent all my money on a FAX machine; now I can only FAX collect.

Money Things

The best way to find something you have lost is to buy a replacement.

(1918 – 2002) advice columnist
Murphy’s Laws Things

We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?


(1924 – ) American businessman, president, CEO of Chrysler Corporation
Autos Situations

God is good, but never dance in a small boat.

Dance God Proverbs Things

No matter how minor the task, you will inevitably end up covered with grease and motor oil.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

The Yugo has come out with a very clever antitheft device… they made their name bigger.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Autos Things

An artist is somebody who produces things that people don’t need to have.

(1928 – 1987) painter, printmaker & filmmaker
Entertainment Things

When you move something to a more logical place, you only can remember where it used to be and your decision to move it.

Murphy’s Laws Things

Don’t force it; get a larger hammer.

Murphy’s Laws Things

I came from a real tough neighborhood; on my street, the kids take hubcaps – from moving cars.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Places Things

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Autos Driving Fools Intelligence Things

A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Autos Children Family Mothers

There are some circles in America where it seems to be more socially acceptable to carry a handgun than a packet of cigarettes.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
America Arms Situations Things

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Computers Definitions Things

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Things

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Science/Weather Things

Keepsake: Something given us by someone we’ve forgotten.

Definitions Things

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Autos Dogs Things

This summer I learned that there’s a difference between peeing in the pool and peeing into the pool.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Situations Things

I bought a perfect second car… a tow truck.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Things