Subject: Miscellaneous

He's as happy as if he had good sense.

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Sure as a cat has a climbing gear

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As stubborn as a blue-nose mule and as busy as a cranberry merchant.

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If the Lord’s willing and the creeks don’t rise.

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Even a blind hog finds an acorn now and then.

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Remember, blood is not only much thicker than water, it’s much more difficult to get out of the carpet.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Miscellaneous

Caught with your pants down.

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What would annoy me if a space visitor ever came to our planet would be if he kept talking about things in “his world.” Your world? We don’t give a flying hoot about your world.

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Out of soap

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… since Christ left Cleveland!

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You want to get three feet up a bull’s ass, just listen to the whisperings of sweethearts.

(1954 – 2008) British film director, playwright & screenwriter
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The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother… they’ll settle for a puppy every time.

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Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you’re not supposed to drink and drive?

(1946 – ) American comedian
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A rooster one day, a feather duster the next.

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He couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat.

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I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
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One of the worst things you can do as an actor, I think, is to forget your lines, and then get so flustered you start stabbing the other actors.

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Ten pounds of potatoes in a five pound sack

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If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of Conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don’t think it would be a good idea to say, “I swallowed it… so sue me.”

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Cow Imagination

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Cooter-backed road

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