Subject: Miscellaneous

Purtier than a peach.

Miscellaneous

Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life, because we’re not ready; but maybe they’ll change their tune after a little torture.

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If that ain't right then grits ain't groceries.

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One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don’t run with a wooden stake.

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Right as rain.

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Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you’re not supposed to drink and drive?

(1946 – ) American comedian
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Sunday face

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The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form.

Businessman
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It daddied itself

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Mites stay on a chicken’s ass.

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I spoke to her and she didn't say pea turkey squat.

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I don’t know whether to help you or euthanize you.

(1980 – ) Canadian actor, director, writer & musician
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I’m fair to middlin’.

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Living With Crazy Buttocks

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Normal,  Illinois

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She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm.

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Bulbous Bouffant

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Chew the bark off

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She Offered Her Honor, He Honored Her Offer, and All Through the Night it Was Honor and Offer

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I’m just guessing, but probably one of the early signs that your radarscope is wearing out is something I call “image fuzz-out,” but I’ve never even seen a radarscope, so I wouldn’t totally go by what I’ve just said here.

Miscellaneous

Peter Marshall: Helen Gurley Brown recently said of Henry Kissinger, "His most outstanding endearing quality is his ability to make someone feel…" Feel what?

Jan Murray: His thighs.

(1916 - 2006) American stand-up comedian, actor & game show host
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