Subject: Miscellaneous

My grandfather invented the cold air balloon… but it never really took off.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay

Don’t start choppin’ till you’ve treed the coon.

Miscellaneous

He is purse proud.

Miscellaneous

Cooler than a flip side of a down pillow.

Miscellaneous

He’s so tight when he blinks his eyes his toe’s curl up.

Miscellaneous

All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed.

English football player
Miscellaneous

To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I’m turning my house into an Italian restaurant.

American comedian & writer
Miscellaneous

He's dumber than a mud fence.

Miscellaneous

Peter Marshall: Liberace has a new book out called The Things I…?

Paul Lynde: Put in my hair.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Miscellaneous

If I come back as an animal in my next lifetime, I hope it’s some type of parasite, because this is the part where I take it EASY!

Miscellaneous

The difference between a man and a boy is, a boy wants to grow up to be a fireman, but a man wants to grow up to be a giant monster fireman.

Miscellaneous

like trying to herd cats

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A face like a robber’s dog!

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She’s so poor she ain’t got two nickels to rub together.

Miscellaneous

Well, that just frosts my ankles!

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If you lie down with dogs, you’ll get up with fleas.

Miscellaneous

That’s the worst taste I’ve had in my mouth with the lights on!

Miscellaneous

He’s so slippery he’d hold his own in a pond full of eels.

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Tight as Dick’s hatband

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Marta was watching the football game with me when she said, “You know most of these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from invasion by another group.”
Yeah, I said, trying not to laugh. Girls are funny.

Miscellaneous

Instead of burning a guy at the stake, what about burning him at the stilts? … it probably lasts longer, plus it moves around.

Miscellaneous