Subject: Miscellaneous

Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

Miscellaneous

People need to realize that every time they talk about how “fragile” our planet is, it’s just like asking outer-space aliens to come invade us.

Miscellaneous

He just sits there like a bump on a log.

Miscellaneous

It's raining harder than a cow pissing on a flat rock.

Miscellaneous

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Miscellaneous

As long as Pat stayed in the army

Miscellaneous

The damned thing works!

(1906 – 1971) American inventor & television pioneer
Miscellaneous

Ten pounds of potatoes in a five pound sack

Miscellaneous

Peter Marshall: Rich, what land animal has the largest eyes?

Rich Little: [doing his impersonation of her] Why, that would be Carol Channing!

(1938 – ) Canadian-American impressionist & voice actor
Miscellaneous

If there was a terrible storm outside, but somehow this dog lived through the storm, and he showed up at your door when the storm was finally over, I think a good name for him would be Carl.

Miscellaneous

Like getting an ox out of the ditch

Miscellaneous

Chew the bark off

Miscellaneous

She looks like she was rode hard and put up wet.

Miscellaneous

Sip 'N See

Miscellaneous

Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk: A Modest Bestiary

(1956 – ) American humorist, comedian & author
Miscellaneous

I’ve got no dog in that fight.

Miscellaneous

Useless as tits on a boar hog

Miscellaneous

This mall Santa seems insulted that I put down that protective paper before sitting on his lap.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Miscellaneous

Dark as three feet up a bull’s ass

Miscellaneous

It's cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table.

Miscellaneous

I’d rather have a broke back in hell.

Miscellaneous