Subject: Intelligence

He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.

(1844 – 1912) Scottish poet, novelist & literary critic
Communication Intelligence Science/Weather

He was so learned that he could name a horse in nine languages; so ignorant that he bought a cow to ride on.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Animals Intelligence Stupidity Wisdom

You never know how much a man can't remember until he is called as a witness.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Individuals Intelligence Memory People

Some folks are wise and some otherwise.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Intelligence Stupidity Wisdom

The sane appear as strange to the mad as the mad to the sane.

(1933 – 1967) English playwright
Appearance Intelligence

Stupidity got us into this mess, and stupidity will get us out.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Situations Stupidity TV/Movie Quotes

How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Fools Intelligence Money

To be clever enough to get all that money, one must be stupid enough to want it.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Intelligence Money Stupidity

The only place a men want depth in a woman is in her [cleavage].

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Intelligence Men People Women

[George W.] Bush doesn’t know the names of countries, he doesn’t know the names of foreign leaders, he can’t even find the Earth on a globe.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Intelligence People

Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn’t be any fun living in it, or profit.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Fools Intelligence Life Money

He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Insults Intelligence

You might be a redneck if… you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said "concentrate."

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Intelligence People Rednecks

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

Autos Intelligence Stupidity Things

I think the Japanese are smart people – stereotypically so.

(1982 – ) American stand-up comedian
Intelligence People

They couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if you wrote the instructions on the heel.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Insults Intelligence

Some people are better imagined in one's bed than found there in the morning.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Ideas Sex Situations

The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.

Arms Intelligence Military

The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Happiness Intelligence Money Poverty Wealth

I don’t mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don’t understand.

(1892 – 1965) English physicist
Communication Entertainment Language Music Understanding

You’ve got the brain of a four year old boy… and I’ll bet he was glad to get rid of it.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Intelligence