Random One-Liners

Confucius say… man with no legs bums around.

Confucius say

The ratio of people to cake is too big.

(1951 – ) American actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Father’s Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it’s the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business.

(1974 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & television host
Family Fathers

Fund Set Up For Beating Victim's Kin

Headlines

It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins.

Children Money Proverbs Sex

I don’t do quagmires.

(1932 – ) American businessman & U.S. Secretary of Defense
Miscellaneous

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Animals Children Dogs Family

What’s all this talk I’ve been hearing about violins on television?’

(1946 – 1989) comedian & actress
Malaprops TV/Movie Quotes

What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.

(1918 – 1990) American actress & singer
Emotions Love Places World

Teacher Strikes Idle Student

Headlines

Murder Trial Moved To Clinton County to Avoid Impartial Jury

Headlines

Men have as exaggerated an idea of their rights as women have of their wrongs.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Characteristics Men People Women

Logic and taxation are not always the best of friends.

(1862 – 1946) American jurist & Supreme Court justice
Government Taxes

A noisy cow gives little milk.

Proverbs

Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Characteristics

Peter Marshall: Your sheep has a temperature of 102. Is she normal?

Burt Reynolds: People think I’m not normal because I keep taking her temperature.

(1936 – 2018) American actor
Hollywood Squares

Wear the right costume and the part plays itself.

Appearance Clothing Murphy’s Laws

He makes a very handsome corpse and becomes his coffin prodigiously.

(1828 – 1897) Scottish writer
Insults

“Deeply regretted by all who never knew him.”

Epitaphs

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby.

(1938 – 1981) American actress
Men People Women

We told Stanley Roberts to go on a water diet, and Lake Superior disappeared.

(1941 – ) American basketball executive
Basketball Sports