Subject: Activities » Driving (Page 3)

The last time I drank, I drove into a ditch, which doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but I stopped at the ditch, looked left and right, then drove into the ditch.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Autos Driving Situations

Driving a Porsche in London is like bringing a Ming vase to a football game.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Autos Driving Places

My wife… a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There are a pair of shoes on the dashboard. they belong to the last guy she hit.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Driving

I never smoke grass and drive my car because, for one thing, no matter how many letters I write to the road commissions, they still refuse to start designing highways with second-chance exits.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Autos Driving Things

I knew these Siamese twins; they moved to England, so the other one could drive.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Driving England Places

People will accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there's something wrong with him.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Autos Driving Things

This lane ends in 500 feet.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws

Bus: A vehicle that runs faster when you run after it and runs slowly when you are inside it.

Definitions Driving

My grandma used to say “Sound your Klaxon when you come around a turn,” and I’d say “Shut your f**king Klaxon I’m driving!” … Oh we had fun.

(1963 – ) American comedian & author
Activities Driving

Cab drivers are living proof that practice does not make perfect.

Activities Driving

There are two things no man will admit he cannot do well: drive and make love.

(1929 – ) English race car driver
Autos Driving Men People Sex

When you need towns, they are very far apart.

Activities Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Travel

One time, I got pulled over at four a.m.; I was fined seventy-five dollars for being intoxicated and four-hundred for being with the Phillies.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Driving Sports