Subject: Activities » Drugs

Sometimes I'm so bored at a party, I'll slip myself a roofie.

comedian & author
Drugs Self Situations

Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Activities Drugs

So drug dealers don’t find it funny when you ask for a receipt?

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Activities Drugs Situations

At school, Applied Math was all about working out grams and dollars… we called it Crystal Math.

comedian
Drugs Science/Weather

I didn't quit football because I failed a drug test, I failed a test because I was ready to quit football.

American football player
Activities Drugs Football Sports

They don't mind after they find out they don't have to study for it.

American football coach
Drugs Football Sports

Let crack and heroin be manufactured by the pharmaceutical companies, that way nobody can afford them.

American comedian & writer
Activities Drugs

You know you're too high when you're eating cereal naked and your girlfriend says, 'Put your clothes on,' and then you realize it's not your girlfriend, it's some woman on a bus.

American comedian & actor
Activities Drugs Situations

Follow seven beers with a couple of scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it's funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own.

(1921 – 2001) Welsh comedian & singer
Activities Alcohol Beer Drugs Sleep

Let me ask you… would crack be so bad, and would people think so harshly of crack, if it were called 'crackle'?

(1968 – ) American actor & comedian
Activities Communication Drugs Language

If I seem out of it tonight, it's 'cause I'm hooked on phonics.

comedian
Communication Drugs Language

Study: Ecstasy Causes Brain Damage

Drugs Headlines Health

When I was on acid, I’d see things like beams of light and I’d hear sounds that sounded an awful lot like car horns.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Autos Drugs Situations

I don’t do drugs anymore – than, say, the average touring funk band.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Activities Drugs

Without drugs, I would have never got my job… selling drugs.


Activities Drugs Occupations Work

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s the scenic route.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Drugs

You might be a redneck if… you see a sign that says "Say No To Crack" and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Body Drugs People Rednecks

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs Drugs God People

If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Drugs

All the years this guy did drugs, no one could have slipped him some calcium?

comedian
Activities Drugs Health

Several members of our youth department are collecting donations for Operation Graduation. Funds will be used for a drug and alcohol party following graduation on May 29th.

Alcohol Church Bulletins Drugs