Subject: Activities » Drugs (Page 3)

I don’t do drugs anymore – than, say, the average touring funk band.

(1961 – 1994) comedian

Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

My Big Sister Takes Drugs

All the years this guy did drugs, no one could have slipped him some calcium?

comedian

I also smoke a lot of pot… occasionally… every day.

(1966 – ) American actor, musician & comedian

I used to do drugs; I still do, but I used to, too.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

President Bush wants to spend $7 billion this year to fight the drug dealers in Colombia… but they only earn $3 billion a year; so why don't we pay them $4 billion a year not to grow the cocaine?

American comedian & writer

I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout; that's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and run to my sister's house and ask her for money.

(1956 – 2016) American stand-up comedian & actor

Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

If I drop out of school, where am I gonna find drugs?

Palestinian/American comedian

Trying to give my kids an education in Los Angeles is a nightmare with the guns, the gangs, the drugs – and I'm home schooling them.

American comedian & writer

I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs… like custom officers.

(1961 – ) English standup comedian, actor & writer

I didn't quit football because I failed a drug test, I failed a test because I was ready to quit football.

American football player

Someone stole my antidepressants; whoever they are, I hope they’re happy.


Jim: Yeah, I did some drugs, though probably not as many as you think. How many drugs do you think I did?

Elaine Nardo: A lot.

Jim: Wow! Right on the nose!

(1938 – ) American actor

Without drugs, I would have never got my job… selling drugs.


At school, Applied Math was all about working out grams and dollars… we called it Crystal Math.

comedian

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s the scenic route.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Somebody once said that laughter is the best medicine, and that was clearly written by a man that never tried Vicodin.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author

Several members of our youth department are collecting donations for Operation Graduation. Funds will be used for a drug and alcohol party following graduation on May 29th.

If I seem out of it tonight, it's 'cause I'm hooked on phonics.

comedian