Subject: Activities (Page 11)

The word ‘aerobics’ came about when the gym instructors got together and said: if we’re going to charge $10 an hour, we can’t call it “jumping up and down.”

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Exercise

But, as my mother used to tell me, two wrongs don't make a right… but I soon figured out that three left turns do.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author
Driving Situations

Bridge: A game in which a wife is always eager to do her husband’s bidding.

Activities Definitions Games

The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Activities People Travel

I like long walks… especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Activities People

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities

I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Activities Age Golf Old Sports Time

He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from the next freeway exit.

Driving Murphy’s Laws Travel

I backed a horse today at 20:1; it came in at twenty past four.

(1921 – 1984) British comedian & magician
Activities Sports

Drug: A substance that, when injected into a guinea pig, produces a scientific paper.

Activities Definitions Drugs Science/Weather

Someone stole my antidepressants; whoever they are, I hope they’re happy.


Activities Drugs

My wife wants sex in the back of the car… and she wants me to drive.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Driving Sex

Thirty ways to shape up for summer — number one: eat less; number two: exercise more; number three… What was I talking about? … I’m so hungry right now.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Appearance Body Exercise

For [my husband], getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Situations Sleep Work

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities Golf Sports

I'm not into working out; my philosophy: No pain, no pain.

comedian, writer, actor & producer
Activities Exercise

If you need n items of anything, you will have n – 1 in stock.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping Things

There's no real need to do housework – after four years it doesn't get any worse.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Housework Situations Work

Airline travel is hours of boredom interrupted by moments of stark terror.

disc jockey, screenwriter & humorist
Activities Emotions Fear Travel

Is it common for people to become a pothead at 40? … asking for myself.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Activities Age Drugs

Detour: Something that lengthens your mileage, diminishes your gas, and strengthens your vocabulary.

Activities Definitions Travel