Subject: Activities (Page 11)

My wife and I can never agree on holidays… I want to fly to exotic places and stay in five-star hotels… and she wants to come with me.

comedian
Activities Travel

You don’t get spoiled if you do your own ironing.

(1949 – ) American actress
Activities Housework

It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities Sex Time

Those who live closest arrive latest.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Time Travel

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Activities Housework

[Poker] as elaborate a waste of human intelligence as you could find outside an advertising agency.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Activities Communication Games

One of the worst things that can happen to you in life is to win a bet on a horse at an early age.

American billiards champion & hustler
Activities Sports

Anybody who plays the stock market not as an insider is like a man buying cows in the moonlight.

(1797 – 1879) American businessman & speculator
Activities Money

1. You can get “anywhere” in ten minutes if you go fast enough.
2. Speed bumps are of negligible effect when the vehicle exceeds triple the desired restraining speed.
3. The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.
4. This lane ends in 500 feet.

Activities Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Travel

Fish: An animal that grows fastest between the time it is caught and the time a fisherman describes it to his friends.

Activities Animals Definitions

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

He travels fastest who travels alone… but he hasn’t anything to do when he gets there.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Travel

I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Activities Age Golf Old Sports Time

You might be a redneck if… you smoked during your wedding.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Activities Marriage People Rednecks

Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Activities

About age 30 most women think about having children, most men think about dating them.

American comedian & motivational speaker
Children Dating Family Men People Travel Women

In America there are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Activities America Places Travel

Tell him I’ve been too f**king busy – or vice versa.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Activities Sex Situations Time

People tell me how hard it is to stop smoking; I think it’s about as hard as it is to start flossing.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities

Racehorse: A fast means of redistributing wealth.

Activities Definitions

I ran three miles today… finally I said, ‘Lady take your ‘purse.'

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Exercise