Subject: Activities (Page 11)

Bridge: A game which gives women something to try to think about while they are talking.

Activities Definitions Games

He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from the next freeway exit.

Driving Murphy’s Laws Travel

Snoring: Sheet music.

Definitions Sleep Wordplay

Never give a party if you will be the most interesting person there.

American film & television producer
Activities People

Sleep is death without the responsibility.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Sleep

I'm on a wrong-way street!

Driving Malaprops

Flying from the U.S. to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities Places Time

Driving a Porsche in London is like bringing a Ming vase to a football game.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Autos Driving Places

People often write me and ask how I keep my wood floors so clean when I live with a child and a dog, and my answer is that I use a technique called “Suffering From a Mental Illness.”

(1975 – ) blogger
Health Housework

The saying “Getting there is half the fun” became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines.


Activities Situations Travel

Bargain: A transaction in which each party thinks he has cheated the other.

Definitions Shopping

People have asked me a lot of times, because I didn't hit a lot, we all know that, how long a dozen bats would last me?… depending on the weight and the model that I was using at that particular time I would say eight to ten cookouts.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Activities Baseball Sports

One of my friends went on a murder weekend… now he is doing life for it.

(1961 – ) English standup comedian, actor & writer
Activities Crime

The faster the plane, the narrower the seats.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Travel

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

Activities Games Situations

I smoke like a 5-alarm fire.

(1884 – 1933) American saloon keeper, actress & entrepreneur
Activities

President Bush wants to spend $7 billion this year to fight the drug dealers in Colombia… but they only earn $3 billion a year; so why don't we pay them $4 billion a year not to grow the cocaine?

American comedian & writer
Drugs Money Places

No matter how many rooms there are in the motel, the fellow who starts up his car at five o’clock in the morning is always parked under your window.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Travel

But, as my mother used to tell me, two wrongs don't make a right… but I soon figured out that three left turns do.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author
Driving Situations

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today; they left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’

(1921 – 1984) British comedian & magician
Activities Driving Situations

I used to think about Cindy Crawford; now, I think about leaving dishes in the sink overnight without a war breaking out.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Housework Marriage Sex