Subject: Activities (Page 12)

People have asked me a lot of times, because I didn't hit a lot, we all know that, how long a dozen bats would last me?… depending on the weight and the model that I was using at that particular time I would say eight to ten cookouts.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Activities Baseball Sports

Hook: Irritating but highly reliable device used to quickly locate the position of one’s thumb at the bottom of a tackle box.

Activities Definitions

I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs… like custom officers.

(1961 – ) English standup comedian, actor & writer
Activities Drugs

Underwater Swimmer: One who practices submersive activitites.

Activities Definitions

The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on.

Situations Sleep

It's better to have loved and lost than do forty pounds of laundry a week.

(1904 – 1989) Spanish surrealist painter
Emotions Housework Love

No one needs a vacation so much as the person who has just had one.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Activities

Self-abuse is the sincerest kind.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Activities Self Sex

It was an arranged marriage, put together by drugs and alcohol.

American comedian & television host
Alcohol Drugs Marriage

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be; no one cares, why should you?

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Housework

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

Activities Autos Beliefs Problems Proverbs Travel

There’s no such thing as addiction, there’s only things that you enjoy doing more than life.

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Drugs

I like to play chess with bald men in the park, although it's hard to find 32 of them.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Situations

When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Things Time Travel

Anglers think they are divining some primeval natural force by outwitting a fish, a creature that never even got out of the evolutionary starting gate.

(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician
Activities Animals Sports

The distance to the gate from which your flight departs is inversely proportional to the time remaining before the scheduled departure of the flight.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Time Travel

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in it's holder is a thrill.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Activities Age Old Sex

I went to a gym; they offered me free membership for life if I posed for a 'don't let this happen to you' poster.

(1953 – ) American comedian & actor
Activities Exercise

Without drugs, I would have never got my job… selling drugs.


Activities Drugs Occupations Work

Follow seven beers with a couple of Scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it's funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own.

(1921 – 2001) Welsh comedian & singer
Activities Alcohol Drugs Sleep

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Death People