Subject: Activities (Page 13)

We have a sock talking at our commencement; it’s kind of upsetting.

Activities

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time; the man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Activities Definitions

When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Things Time Travel

I was just vacationing in Amsterdam, where prostitution is legal; let me rephrase that – I was just vacationing in Amsterdam because prostitution is legal.

American comedian & writer
Activities Places Travel

The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.

(1922 – 2007) American novelist
Housework Places

Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities Shopping

But, as my mother used to tell me, two wrongs don't make a right… but I soon figured out that three left turns do.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author
Driving Situations

About age 30 most women think about having children, most men think about dating them.

American comedian & motivational speaker
Children Dating Family Men People Travel Women

I’ve read some of your modern free verse and wonder who set it free.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
Communication Reading/Writing Shopping

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Autos Driving People Things

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be; no one cares, why should you?

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Housework

Today is the first day of the rest of my push-up.

(1951 – ) American author, playwright & lyricist
Activities Exercise

The number of stones in your boot is directly proportional to the number of hours you have been on the trail.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Games People

Get a bicycle’ you will not regret… if you live.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities

Fishing: A venerable contest in which modern man pits his intelligence and technology against the native wit of primitive aquatic vertebrates, and generally finishes second.

Activities Definitions

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Beliefs Games

Whenever I feel the need for exercise I go and lie down for half an hour until the feeling passes.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Activities Exercise

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Games

I don’t like people who take drugs… customs men for example.

(1950 – ) British comedian
Activities Driving

My grandfather was killed at Custer’s last stand… he was camping in the next field and went over to complain about the noise.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Activities