Subject: Activities (Page 14)

Exercise! … I never heard that he used any: he might, for aught I know, walk to the alehouse; but I believe he was always carried home again.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Activities Exercise

Some people talk in their sleep; lecturers talk while other people sleep.

(1913 – 1960) French-Algerian author, philosopher & journalist
Communication Situations Sleep Speech

For sincere advice and the correct time, call any number at random at 3:00 a.m.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Activities Sleep Time

Grocery list: What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Activities Definitions Shopping

A man who goes into a supermarket for a few items would rather walk around balancing them than put them in one of those little baskets.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Men People

Let me ask you… would crack be so bad, and would people think so harshly of crack, if it were called 'crackle'?

(1968 – ) American actor & comedian
Activities Communication Drugs Language

Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer
Activities Golf Sports

Multitasking: Messing up several chores at the same time.

Activities Definitions

Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities Communication Language Work

What is the big deal about trainspotters… I counted 27 of the losers today.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Activities

Knitting: An exercise that gives women something to do when they are talking.

Activities Definitions

Sometimes in the middle of the night, I think of something that's funny, then I go get a pen and I write it down… or if the pen's too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain't funny.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Emotions Situations Sleep

If I drop out of school, where am I gonna find drugs?

Palestinian/American comedian
Activities Drugs School Situations

Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Activities Beliefs Characteristics Clothing Lies Sports

She took my son to Costco, bought 14 pounds of Oreos – and saved us money somehow.

American stand-up comedian
Marriage Money Shopping Wives

The Cocktail Party: A device for paying off obligations to people you don’t want to invite to dinner.

(1916 – 1986) American minister & author
Activities Definitions People

Insomnia: The inability to sleep even when it’s time to get up.

Activities Definitions Sleep

I’d rather lose at pinochle than win at solitaire.

(1914 – 2011) American politician
Activities Success

I still feel 30, except when I try to run.

(1929 – ) American comedian & comic actor
Activities Age Old

If you need n items of anything, you will have n – 1 in stock.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping Things

I love my hunting dog… well I loved my hunting dog… I'm not very good at hunting.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Activities Animals Dogs