Subject: Activities (Page 15)

I can’t exercise for long; when I get back from a run my girlfriend usually asks if I’ve forgotten something.

comedian
Activities

The shortest route has the steepest hills.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

I’ve never had a problem with drugs… I’ve had problems with the police.

(1943 – ) English musician, songwriter & member of the Rolling Stones
Activities Drugs

I was in Moldova airport and I went into the duty-free shop – and there wasn’t a duty-free shop.

British football player
Activities Misspokements Travel

If you allow someone to get in front of you, you both will have the same destination, and the other car will get the last parking space.

Driving Murphy’s Laws

I went to a record store, they said they specialized in hard-to-find records… nothing was alphabetized!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Shopping Situations

Giving up smoking is easy… I've done it hundreds of times.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities Characteristics

I have to work out like a tri-athlete just to maintain chubby.

comedian
Appearance Body Exercise Fat

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities Games

What, I’m gonna work all year so I can go out and pretend I’m homeless?

Activities

You know you're too high when you're eating cereal naked and your girlfriend says, 'Put your clothes on,' and then you realize it's not your girlfriend, it's some woman on a bus.

American comedian & actor
Activities Drugs Situations

I'm an ice sculptor – last night I made a cube… this morning I made 12

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Things

Golf has more rules than any other game, because golf has more cheaters than any other game.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
Activities Golf Sports

If fishing is a religion, fly fishing is high church.

(1940 – ) American television journalist & author
Activities

You can throw anything in our house, but we’ll just let it roll off our backs

Activities Hockey Misspokements Sports

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s the scenic route.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Drugs

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.

American comedian
Appearance Clothing Shopping

We can hike anytime; this is our chance to see cars driving.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Activities TV/Movie Quotes

A truly reckless driver is one who passes you when you are already exceeding the speed limit.

Activities Driving

They [airplane oxygen masks] don’t really help you… they’re just there to muffle the screams.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Things Travel

There’s no such thing as addiction, there’s only things that you enjoy doing more than life.

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Drugs