Subject: Activities (Page 17)

I like restraint, if it doesn't go too far.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Activities Characteristics

Insomnia: The inability to sleep even when it’s time to get up.

Activities Definitions Sleep

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Drugs God People

Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Life Sleep

The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Housework Work

A man who goes into a supermarket for a few items would rather walk around balancing them than put them in one of those little baskets.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Men People

I hate when people drive like me.

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
Autos Driving Situations Things

The “Consumer Report” on the item will come out a week after you’ve made your purchase.
Corollaries: 1. The one you bought will be rated “unacceptable.”. 2. The one you almost bought will be rated “best buy.”

Murphy’s Laws Shopping

I often take exercise; why only yesterday I had breakfast in bed.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Activities Exercise

No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.

Money Murphy’s Laws Shopping Time

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Housework

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Activities Communication Dance Entertainment Music Speech

Smoking cures weight problems… eventually.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Body Characteristics Death Fat

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Murphy’s Laws Shopping

Life is something that happens when you can’t get to sleep.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Life Situations Sleep

You can throw anything in our house, but we’ll just let it roll off our backs

Activities Hockey Misspokements Sports

I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day; I haven't had time for tobacco since.

(1867 – 1957) Italian conductor
Activities People Situations Women

It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Activities Golf Sports

Knitted Historical Figures

Activities Book Titles

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

Activities Games Situations

The most important item in an order will no longer be available.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping