Subject: Activities (Page 17)

Advice to anglers: don't take advice from people with missing fingers.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Activities People Sports

When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.

Animals Cats Murphy’s Laws Sleep

Nothing makes a smoker happier than to see an old person smoking.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Activities Age Happiness Health Old

In order to live off a garden, you practically have to live in it.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Activities

Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

Murphy’s Laws Situations Sleep

More Great Pantyhose Crafts

Activities Book Titles

Virginia has already spent more on plugging Shawn Moore for the Heisman Trophy than Thomas Jefferson spent getting elected president.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Activities Football Government Money Sports

The fantasy of every Australian man is to have two women – one cleaning and the other dusting.

Australian comedian & actress
Housework People Women

If you want to catch more fish, use more hooks.

(1918 – 1990) football coach
Activities

Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Drugs

Show me a man who lives alone and has a perpetually clean kitchen, and 8 times out of 9 I’ll show you a man with detestable spiritual qualities.

(1920 – 1994) German-born author & poet
Beliefs Housework

Life is the only game in which the object of the game is to learn the rules.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Activities Games Life

I went to the store and bought eight apples; the clerk said, “Do you want these in a bag?” I said, “Oh, no, man, I juggle.”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Situations

Anglers think they are divining some primeval natural force by outwitting a fish, a creature that never even got out of the evolutionary starting gate.

(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician
Activities Animals Sports

I like restraint, if it doesn't go too far.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Activities Characteristics

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Games

A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.

(1907 – 1973) poet & critic
Situations Sleep Speech

Last time I went camping I accidentally borrowed a circus tent.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Situations Things

I’d like to marry a nice domesticated homosexual with a fetish for wiping down Formica and different vacuum-cleaner attachments.

(1960 – ) English comedian, novelist & actress
Housework Marriage Men

I think housework is far more tiring and frightening than hunting is… and yet after hunting we had eggs for tea and were made to rest for hours, but after housework people expect one to go on just as if nothing special had happened.

(1904 – 1973) English novelist & biographer
Housework Work

If I seem out of it tonight, it's 'cause I'm hooked on phonics.

comedian
Communication Drugs Language