Subject: Activities (Page 18)

If you don't write to complain, you'll never receive your order. If you do write, you'll receive the merchandise before your angry letter reaches its destination.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing Shopping

When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you’re away and get nothing done, there’s another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

(1869 – 1946) American bridge builder & engineer
Activities Work

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Activities Sex Situations

You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.

(1933 – 1998) comedian & actor
Activities

I went snorkeling on vacation aka surprise drinking a lot of water through a big straw.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

(1917 – 1993) British composer & novelist
Emotions Happiness Laughter Situations Sleep

I reckoned if my boobs got any lower I would have to buy them their own pair of shoes.

(1959 – ) British novelist
Activities Appearance Body

The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Husbands Marriage Situations Sleep Wives

Look around the table; if you don’t see a sucker, get up, because you’re the sucker.

Activities Games Murphy’s Laws

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Shopping Situations

I never smoke grass and drive my car because, for one thing, no matter how many letters I write to the road commissions, they still refuse to start designing highways with second-chance exits.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Autos Driving Things

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today; they left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’

(1921 – 1984) British comedian & magician
Activities Driving Situations

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people: the good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics Situations Sleep

I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday; I’ll tell you what… never again.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Activities Time

The one who least wants to play is the one who will win

Activities Games Murphy’s Laws Situations

It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Activities Golf Sports

When you are served a meal aboard an aircraft, the aircraft will encounter turbulence.

Activities Eating Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws Travel

My Big Sister Takes Drugs

Book Titles Drugs

My friend died doing what he loved… heroin.

Canadian-American comedian, writer & columnist
Activities Death Drugs

A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Activities Sex

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Activities Murphy’s Laws