Subject: Activities (Page 18)

If God wanted me to bend over, he’d have put diamonds on the floor.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities God

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping; men invade another country.

(1952 – ) comedian
Eating Men People Shopping War Women

I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Activities Situations

You might be a redneck if… you've ever bought lingerie at a yard sale.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing People Rednecks Shopping

Window Shopping: Eye browsing.

Activities Definitions Shopping

People often write me and ask how I keep my wood floors so clean when I live with a child and a dog, and my answer is that I use a technique called “Suffering From a Mental Illness.”

(1975 – ) blogger
Health Housework

Straight down the middle. No hook, no spin, no fuss. Anything more and this becomes figure skating.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter
Activities TV/Movie Quotes

A mediocre player will sink to the level of his or her opposition.

Games Murphy’s Laws Sports

People will buy anything that's one to a customer.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping

There is a very fine line between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness.’

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

Activities Autos Beliefs Problems Proverbs Travel

The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong – but that’s the way to bet.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Sports

I’m eighteen years behind on my ironing.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Activities Housework

For sincere advice and the correct time, call any number at random at 3:00 a.m.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Activities Sleep Time

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Games Money

Some people think I’m high on stage; I would never get high before a show, because, when I’m high, I don’t wanna stand in front of a bunch of people I don’t know.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Drugs Situations

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Activities

Excuse me, my leg has gone to sleep; do you mind if I join it?

(1887 – 1943) theater critic & commentator
Situations Sleep

All buses heading in the opposite direction drive off the face of the earth and never return.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Travel

The amount of sleep needed by the average person is five minutes more.

typographer
Activities Situations Sleep Time

Anybody who plays the stock market not as an insider is like a man buying cows in the moonlight.

(1797 – 1879) American businessman & speculator
Activities Money