Subject: Activities (Page 18)

Life is like a game of poker: If you don’t put any in the pot, there won’t be any to take out.

(1894 – 1975) American comedian
Activities Games Life

The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Husbands Marriage Situations Sleep Wives

I was thinking of running a marathon, but I think it might be too difficult getting all the roads closed and providing enough water for everyone.

comedian
Activities Sports

More Great Pantyhose Crafts

Activities Book Titles

I’ve decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Activities Housework

I was once arrested for walking in someone else’s sleep.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations Sleep

It's better to go when you have to go – than to go and find you've already gone.

Children Murphy’s Laws Travel

I'm not embarrassed going to a drug store anymore to buy a condom; although, the woman behind the counter said, 'Save your money; buy a lottery ticket.'

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian
Shopping Situations

The customer is always ripe.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Shopping

I wrote my nightmares out this afternoon so I can get a good night’s sleep tonight.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Sleep

I smoke like a 5-alarm fire.

(1884 – 1933) American saloon keeper, actress & entrepreneur
Activities

Thirty ways to shape up for summer — number one: eat less; number two: exercise more; number three… What was I talking about? … I’m so hungry right now.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Appearance Body Exercise

The only way to make up for being lost is to make record time while you are lost.

Activities Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws

At 19 miles, when most runners run out of steam and you hit what they call ‘the wall,’ is the exact moment you cross into the South Bronx; so here, they combine running and fleeing.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author
Exercise Places Sports

Housekeeping ain't no joke.

(1832 – 1888) novelist
Housework Work

It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Activities Golf Sports

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Beliefs Games

Follow seven beers with a couple of Scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it's funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own.

(1921 – 2001) Welsh comedian & singer
Activities Alcohol Drugs Sleep

Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Activities Drugs

Marijuana should be licensed and kept out of the hands of teenagers; it's too good for them.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Activities People

It's like, I hate getting up in the morning, unless it's over and over and over and over again… then I'm good.

American comedian & musician
Situations Sleep