Subject: Activities (Page 2)

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Games People

We have only one person to blame, and that’s each other.

professional hockey player
Activities Hockey Misspokements

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Games Money

Self-abuse is the sincerest kind.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Activities Self Sex

I wrote my nightmares out this afternoon so I can get a good night’s sleep tonight.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Sleep

Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer
Activities Golf Sports

I’m addicted to placebos; I’d give them up, but it wouldn’t make any difference.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Drugs

You might be a redneck if… you see a sign that says "Say No To Crack" and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Body Drugs People Rednecks

I want to ride in a cold air balloon; “This isn’t going anywhere!”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Situations

Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Housework Situations World

It’s easier to find a traveling companion than to get rid of one.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Activities People Travel

Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Activities Fools Intelligence

Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.

(1899 – 1977) university dean, president & chancellor
Activities Exercise

I could only teach him how to juggle his books.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Activities

As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airliner encounters turbulence.
Davis's Explanation of Roger's Law: Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.

Murphy’s Laws Travel

I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg… I thought: ‘This could be interesting.’

comedian
Activities Exercise

Sex at 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Activities Age Old Sex

I think Foosball© is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities

You might be a redneck if… you smoked during your wedding.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Activities Marriage People Rednecks

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people: the good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics Situations Sleep

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Activities Beer Food/Drink