Subject: Activities (Page 23)

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

(1925 – 2001) actor & musician
Activities Golf People Sports

Golf has more rules than any other game, because golf has more cheaters than any other game.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
Activities Golf Sports

Limit: Maximum number of a particular fish that an angler can take in a day. This number varies from place to place and species to species, but it is a largely theoretical restriction with little practical application.

Activities Definitions

Consumer: One who delights advertisers by acquiring unnecessary products.

Definitions Shopping

Grocery list: What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Activities Definitions Shopping

A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Education Occupations Sleep

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities Golf Sports

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities

The shortest route has the steepest hills.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

Insomnia: contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Futon World – a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Shopping Situations Things Time

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Autos Driving People Things

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book.

Activities Health Proverbs Sleep

Fishing: A jerk at one end of the line waiting for a jerk at the other end.

Activities Definitions

Without drugs, I would have never got my job… selling drugs.


Activities Drugs Occupations Work

Bargain: A transaction in which each party thinks he has cheated the other.

Definitions Shopping

I like American women; they do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing… like showering.

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
Activities Places Sex

Jogging is for people who aren’t intelligent enough to watch television.

(1953 – 2016) British comedian, actress, singer & screenwriter
Activities Exercise

The net weight of your boots is proportional to the cube of the number of hours you have been on the trail.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

One of the worst things that can happen to you in life is to win a bet on a horse at an early age.

American billiards champion & hustler
Activities Sports

I want to ride in a cold air balloon; “This isn’t going anywhere!”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Situations