Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Activities
(Page 23)
I wrote my nightmares out this afternoon so I can get a good night’s sleep tonight.
Richard Lewis
(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities
Sleep
Dreams
Nightmares
My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs.
Patrick Monahan
(1969 – ) American singer-songwriter & musician
People
Places
Travel
Customs
Iran
Ireland
My first rule of consumerism is never to buy anything you can’t make your children carry.
Bill Bryson
American author
Activities
Shopping
Consumerism
I sink, therefore I swam.
Anonymous
Activities
Communication
Wordplay
Swimming
The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for players to break.
John Madden
(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer
Activities
Sports
Coaching
Rules
The net weight of your boots is proportional to the cube of the number of hours you have been on the trail.
Barber's Seventh Law of Backpacking
Activities
Murphy’s Laws
Backpacking
Hiking
When Neil Armstong first set foot on the moon, he and all the space scientists were puzzled by an unidentifiable white object; I knew immediately what it was… that was a home run ball hit off me in 1933 by Jimmie Foxx.
‘Lefty’ Gomez
(1908 – 1989) American baseball player
Activities
Baseball
Sports
Hitting
Jimmie Foxx
Moon
Pitching
There are more fish taken out of a stream than ever were in it.
Oliver Herford
(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Activities
Beliefs
Honesty
Lies
Fishing
Presidents don’t do it to their wives; they do it to their country.
Mel Brooks
(1926 – ) film director, screenwriter, composer, comedian, actor & producer
Activities
Government
President
Sex
Wives
Country
Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
Anthony Burgess
(1917 – 1993) British composer & novelist
Emotions
Happiness
Laughter
Situations
Sleep
Snoring
Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing from something.
Wilson Mizner
(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Activities
Gambling
Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.
Evan Esar
(1899 – 1995) humorist
Housework
Women
Work
Notices
Strip Poker: A game in which the more you lose the more you have to show for it.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Games
Strip Poker
Do you know what’s easier than putting on sunscreen? … not going outside.
Jim Gaffigan
(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities
Sunscreen
I can’t exercise for long; when I get back from a run my girlfriend usually asks if I’ve forgotten something.
Pete Otway
comedian
Activities
Suzanne: I never use catalogs. I’d rather go in the store and see all the salespeople groveling and sucking up to you.Julia: Pardon me, I never knew they were so solicitous at the K-Mart.
Dixie Carter
(1939 – 2010) American actress
Activities
Shopping
TV/Movie Quotes
As Julia Sugarbaker in “Designing Women”
Have ever played Strip Trivial Pursuit? … what that is… is you, sitting on a chair with no clothes on, feeling fat, watching someone fully clothed beat you at Trivial Pursuit.
Sara Pascoe
(1981 – ) English writer, stand-up comedian & actress
Activities
Games
Trivial Pursuit
I joined Gamblers Anonymous; they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it!
Rodney Dangerfield
(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities
Gambling
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way.
Sam Levenson
(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist
Autos
Driving
Marriage
Wives
Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time; the man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.
Fred Allen
(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Activities
Definitions
Cocktail party
It is to be observed that ‘angling’ is the name given to fishing by people who can’t fish.
Stephen Leacock
(1869 – 1944) Canadian economist & humorist
Activities
Angling
Fishing
Page 23 of 41
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