Subject: Activities (Page 23)

I wrote my nightmares out this afternoon so I can get a good night’s sleep tonight.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs.

(1969 – ) American singer-songwriter & musician

My first rule of consumerism is never to buy anything you can’t make your children carry.

American author

I sink, therefore I swam.

The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for players to break.

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer

The net weight of your boots is proportional to the cube of the number of hours you have been on the trail.

When Neil Armstong first set foot on the moon, he and all the space scientists were puzzled by an unidentifiable white object; I knew immediately what it was… that was a home run ball hit off me in 1933 by Jimmie Foxx.

(1908 – 1989) American baseball player

There are more fish taken out of a stream than ever were in it.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator

Presidents don’t do it to their wives; they do it to their country.

(1926 – ) film director, screenwriter, composer, comedian, actor & producer

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

(1917 – 1993) British composer & novelist

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing from something.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.

(1899 – 1995) humorist

Strip Poker: A game in which the more you lose the more you have to show for it.

Do you know what’s easier than putting on sunscreen? … not going outside.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

I can’t exercise for long; when I get back from a run my girlfriend usually asks if I’ve forgotten something.

comedian

Suzanne: I never use catalogs. I’d rather go in the store and see all the salespeople groveling and sucking up to you.

Julia: Pardon me, I never knew they were so solicitous at the K-Mart.

(1939 – 2010) American actress

Have ever played Strip Trivial Pursuit? … what that is… is you, sitting on a chair with no clothes on, feeling fat, watching someone fully clothed beat you at Trivial Pursuit.

(1981 – ) English writer, stand-up comedian & actress

I joined Gamblers Anonymous; they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time; the man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

It is to be observed that ‘angling’ is the name given to fishing by people who can’t fish.

(1869 – 1944) Canadian economist & humorist