Subject: Activities (Page 24)

For every little kid who still believes in Santa Claus, there is at least one adult who still believes in professional wrestling.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Activities Beliefs Entertainment

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

(1943 – ) English rock singer
Activities Appearance Body Fat Self

Have ever played Strip Trivial Pursuit? … what that is… is you, sitting on a chair with no clothes on, feeling fat, watching someone fully clothed beat you at Trivial Pursuit.

(1981 – ) English writer, stand-up comedian & actress
Activities Games

Never give a party if you will be the most interesting person there.

American film & television producer
Activities People

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

Activities Autos Beliefs Problems Proverbs Travel

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Activities

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces… and when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities

You might be a redneck if… you see a sign that says "Say No To Crack" and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Body Drugs People Rednecks

How do you get off of a non-stop flight?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Things Travel

The speed of an oncoming vehicle is directly proportional to the length of the passing zone.

Activities Driving Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

I have a friend who is a juggler. If I'm at his house, I don't like to take food from him, if it's in threes.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities People

Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Life Sleep

There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you’re anxious to meet people who do.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Travel

I married a German; every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me.

(1945 – ) singer, actress & comedian
Activities Conflict Places Sex

My cousin is gay; in school while other kids were dissecting frogs, he was opening flies.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Sex

Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Activities

Sleep is the best of both worlds: you get to be alive and unconscious.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Situations Sleep

The game [of poker] exemplifies the worst aspects of capitalism that have made our country so great.

(1920 – 2000) American actor
Activities Games

The driver behind you wants to go five miles per hour faster.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Things

Fishing: A jerk at one end of the line waiting for a jerk at the other end.

Activities Definitions

I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Situations Sleep